What’s In My Monkey Trap?

Yes! The Monkey Trap analogy! I love this “attention” getter. There’s a little attention getter like this at the beginning of every Gospel Doctrine lesson.  They’re all good, but this one I really understand.  I get it, maybe because it involves food.

The instructions to the teacher are to make a visual aid using a shoebox with a very short horizontal hole cut in the middle of the side of the box. Then explain to the class that “… a trap like this can be used to catch a monkey. A container is secured to the ground, and a treat (such as nuts or fruit) is placed inside. The hole in the container is large enough for a monkey’s empty hand to enter easily but too small for the monkey’s hand and the treat to come out together… A monkey sees the treat and reaches in to get it. Once the monkey grabs the treat, it will allow itself to be caught rather than let go of the treat. It will not sacrifice this prize for a greater one—its freedom” (Lesson 17: “What Shall I Do That I May Inherit Eternal Life?” New Testament Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual).

The point of this description is to help us see that we make mistakes similar to the monkey.  There just may be something we are unwilling to let it go even if keeping it is causing us to lose something better—our freedom to make progress.

The first time I was introduced to this concept I knew my personal monkey trap, the one the devil has my name written all over, was full of kinds and quantities of food and behaviors toward food that definitely limited my freedom. I was in bondage to self-loathing and obesity.  No one ever caught me and hauled me off the zoo or to jail, but I did turn my body into its own kind of a prison. I was in bondage.  My obsessions in and around food and my unhealthy weight robbed me of energy and hijacked my mind every day for decades.

The next time this particular Sunday school lesson was taught and the monkey trap analogy was used I had taken each of the 12 Steps.  I was living in recovery from unhealthy eating. I’d lost my excess weight—97 pounds. I’d been released from the bondage of a problem that had held me captive for more than 40 years.  I thought I was done with everything I might learn from the monkey trap analogy, but the Lord had other ideas.

He helped me take another honest look, and I couldn’t have been more surprised at what I found lurking in my monkey trap.  There was my hand clenched around the fear of gaining my weight back, self-consciousness about what others thought about my weight loss and my food plan, and a bit of emptiness, wondering what on earth I was going to worry incessantly about if I continued to live in recovery from my obsession with food and weight. Can you believe that waking up every day and simply weighing the same was frightening to me? But it was.   Gone was all the big hoopla over pounds lost and what would I do without all the big drama over pounds gained. I found my hand in the monkey trap once again, only this time I was not clenching a fist full of food.  It was a fist full of fear.  Over time I am becoming willing and empowered by the Lord to let go, not only of unhealthy amounts of food, but of unhealthy—unwarranted fear involving my body.

There was something else in the box I don’t think I would have noticed if I hadn’t been abstaining from addictive eating—something I couldn’t see before.  In the box were painful character weaknesses, large and small, that had fueled my addiction all these years—things I couldn’t see as long as I was overeating. Now I could see my impatience, my desire for immediate gratification, my tendency to want to control everything and  everyone, my perfectionism, my pride—painful weaknesses I needed to let go of in order to secure my continued recovery—characteristics I was clinging to because they seemed to help me get through the hard times as much as food did.

As 2011 came to a close I had been blessed with three years of what we call, “back to back abstinence.”  Through the grace of God I had let go of physical weight and much of the fear of living at a healthy weight, and I was beginning to allow the Lord to chip away at my character defects. But there it was once again, the invitation in the Gospel Doctrine lesson to consider the monkey traps in my life.

This time my eyes were clear and wide open to the possibilities of what I might be clinging to in that old box, things that still slow my progress. This time I actually felt some excitement over what I might discover.  You may find that to be strange, but having let go of monkey bait several times through the power of the Lord, I have learned that the first two steps are to become aware and admit that I am clinging to something in that box—that I’m trapped, and then to practice believing that because of the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can let go.  I can become free!  That’s exciting to me!

I’ve discovered that the devil knows exactly what to put in my box.  I also know that what’s in my box is not necessarily what’s in yours.  When the prophets tell us that Satan is crafty they’re not “just a kiddin’”!  Today I realize that Satan even puts things in the box that are good, really good—like my undying desire to be perfect and for all my children and your children to be perfect too.

What I know today is that anything I grab hold of—anything I want more than anything else can place me in bondage.  Freedom comes as I let go of all else, remove my hand from my personal “monkey bait” and take hold of the hand of the Lord.  As long as I live on the earth, the monkey trap will be filled with “treats” earmarked for me.  It’s not going away, but neither is the invitation and divine power to let go of the innumerable things that can hold me captive and to grab hold and cleave to the hand of the only One who can deliver me from bondage. In the scripture is says that, “he stretches forth his hands unto them all the day long” (Jacob 6:4). The Lord is close.  He’s standing right beside the trap. He’s waiting.  He knows I can’t even let go without His help.  Every day, multiple times each day, I ask the Lord for the power to pry my little fingers off this or that. I testify that nothing feels better or tastes better than being set free by Him.

I thank the Lord for lessons all around!  I may not believe my great great great great great grandpa was a monkey, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn something from the little furry primates.

By Nannette W.

Posted April 6, 2012

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The Holiday Miracle We Pray For That We Will Not Be Given

Holidays and food—they just go together.  This though comes to mind every time I’m invited to a holiday celebration that involves lots of food—and don’t they all?  It’s called “Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” but it might just as well be called “Everyone’s Christmas Prayer,” or “The Holiday Miracle We Pray For That We Will Not Be Given.”  Enjoy!

“Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” – Abstinence

It was finally pie time.  So many pies! So many flavors! So many decisions! Pie with whipped cream? Pie with ice cream?  “Maybe just a little of both,” I heard someone say. The turkey and rolls started to make their way back out onto the counter, something to balance out all that pie I suppose. “Hey, who brought the eggnog and 7-Up?” questioned one of the uncles with great excitement!

The Thanksgiving Day sun was setting. The cousins were starting to get a little wound up.  My grown children, the parents, were starting to say things like, “Stop! Remember we don’t run in Grandma’s house!” and “No you may not have a fourth piece of pie!” In our family, generally speaking, the later it gets the more energy the children have. With 17 children and 21 adults we were almost outnumbered and it was time to either mesmerize them by playing The Santa Clause 1, 2, 3, and 4 videos, or for the adults to gather up all the energizer turkeys and head toward home for a long post-pie nap.

I stood at the kitchen sink visiting with my brother. “Before we leave,” he said, “I’ve got a story to tell you: This morning before driving down to your house for dinner, I gathered everyone for family prayer.  I called on Michael (age 14) to pray for the family and this is what he prayed, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick.’”

We had a good laugh.  I’ve prayed that prayer myself a thousand times. I’ve been so certain Heavenly Father would hear my prayer and grant me my wish that I’ve gone ahead and put Him to the test.  Time and time again I have hoped for a negligible outcome as I’ve taken in more food and more calories than my body has the capacity to deal with in a healthy way only to be shocked at the after pains.  Without exception I felt sick not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t think you have to be a compulsive eater to relate to Michael’s prayer. In many Addiction Recovery Meetings I’ve heard participants say, “Hi, I’m _____ and I’m addicted to MORE.”  It doesn’t seem to matter if our destructive practices center around the computer, the bar, the refrigerator, the mall, or the neighborhood pharmacy, our prayer has been much like Michael’s Thanksgiving Day request.  “Dear Heavenly Father, please, just this time, grant me the miracle of indulging without consequence.”

This year I am happy to be a compulsive eater who is a grateful Thanksgiving dinner survivor, ninety-seven pounds down from my top weight, but I certainly have not finished my course work on the subject of cause and effect.  I had to smile at the Lord’s sense of humor the other night.  I started developing this little piece of writing late in the evening.  Before climbing into the covers and without thought of what I had just finished writing, I knelt at the foot of my bed and said, “Dear Heavenly Father, once again I’ve stayed up much too late. I know I should have been in bed a long time ago, but please bless me with the ability to wake up early, feeling great, and with energy to accomplish good things in the morning.” As I whispered these words Heavenward I could almost see the corners of the Lord’s mouth turn up just a bit, and with a twinkle in his eye, and His brows slightly raised. He seemed to whisper back, “Oh, I see Nannette, might you be asking for the miracle of indulging without consequence? It reminds me a of the Thanksgiving prayer of a little boy I know, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick?’”

By Nannette W.

Posted Monday, December 7, 2009

From Nannette’s Christmas Archives Re-posted December 20, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” – Abstinence

It was finally pie time. So many pies! So many flavors! So many decisions! Pie with whip cream? Pie with ice cream? “Maybe just a little of both,” I heard someone say. The turkey and rolls started to make their way back out onto on counter, something to balance out all that pie I suppose. “Hey, who brought the eggnog and seven-up?” questioned one of the uncles with great excitement!

The Thanksgiving Day sun was setting. The cousins were starting to get a little wound up. My grown children, the parents, were starting to say things like, “Stop! Remember we don’t run in Grandma’s house!” and “No you may not have a fourth piece of pie!” In our family, generally speaking, the later it gets the more energy the children have. With 17 children and 21 adults we were almost outnumbered and it was time to either mesmerize them by playing The Santa Clause 1, 2, 3, and 4 videos, or for the adults to gather up all the energizer turkeys and head toward home for a long post pie nap.

I stood at the kitchen sink visiting with my brother. “Before we leave,” he said, “I’ve got a story to tell you: This morning before driving down to your house for dinner I gathered every one for family prayer. I called on Michael (age 14)to pray for the family and this is what he prayed, ‘Heavenly Father,Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick.’”

We had a good laugh. I’ve prayed that prayer myself a thousand times. I’ve been so certain Heavenly Father would hear my prayer and grant me my wish that I’ve gone ahead and put him to the test. Time and time again I have hoped for a negligible outcome as I’ve taken in more food and more calories than my body has the capacity to deal with in a healthy way only to be shocked at the after pains. Without exception I felt sick not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t think you have to be a compulsive eater to relate to Michael’s prayer. In many Addiction Recovery Meetings I’ve heard participants say, “Hi, I’m _____ and I’m addicted to MORE.” It doesn’t seem to matter if our destructive practices center around the computer, the bar, the refrigerator, the Mall, or the neighborhood pharmacy, our prayer has been much like Michaels Thanksgiving Day request. “Dear Heavenly Father, Please, just this time, grant me the miracle of indulging without consequence.”

This year I am happy to be a compulsive eater who is a grateful Thanksgiving Dinner survivor, ninety-seven pounds down from my top weight, but I certainly have not finished my course work on the subject of cause and effect. I had to smile at the Lord’s sense of humor the other night. I started developing this little piece of writing late in the evening. Before climbing into the covers and without thought of what I had just finished writing, I knelt at the foot of my bed and said, “Dear Heavenly Father, Once again I’ve stayed up much too late. I know I should have been in bed a long time ago, but please bless me with the ability to wake up early, feeling great, and with energy to accomplish good thing in the morning.” As I whispered these words Heavenward I could almost see the corners of the Lord’s mouth turn up just a bit, and with a twinkle in his eye, and His brows slightly raised He seemed to whisper back, “Oh, I see Nannette, might you be asking for the miracle of indulging without consequence? It reminds me a of the Thanksgiving prayer of a little by I know, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick?’”

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, December 7, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Enjoying An Evening of Abstinence Book of Mormon Style

One morning during Family Scripture Study I read my four verses aloud and then paused before commenting with that well used expression “Hmmm?” My family broke into laughter, poking fun at their scripture-loving /scripture-likening mother. “She’ll find something in it. You just watch,” said my husband, giving me his vote of confidence. These were the verses at hand:

Alma 55:29-31
29 Many times did the Lamanites attempt to encircle them about by night, but in these attempts they did lose many prisoners.
30 And many times did they attempt to administer of their wine to the Nephites, that they might destroy them with poison or with drunkenness.
31 But behold, the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction. They could not be taken in their snares; yea, they would not partake of their wine, save they had first given to some of the Lamanite prisoners.
32 And they were thus cautious that no poison should be administered among them; for if their wine would poison a Lamanite it would also poison a Nephite; and thus they did try all their liquors.

When the Lord says to liken all scripture unto ourselves these verses were not on the list of exceptions. There was definitely something instructive to me. These were my thoughts.

1. “Many times did the Lamanites attempt to encircle them about by night…”(v.29) – For many of us the hardest time of day to remain abstinent from destructive substances and behaviors is during the nighttime hours. How many daytime hours of abstinence and sanity have I experienced that ended in nights of over-eating, over my bedtime, over-thinking, over-worry, over-crafting, or over-organizing etc.

2. “And many times did they attempt to administer of their wine to the Nephites, that they might destroy them with poison or with drunkenness…”(v.30) – I’ve never been drunk with wine, but I can easily lose focus and stop doing the will of God as a complex day comes head to head with my weariness at day’s end. Often no one knows but me. I know it! To others it just looks like an evening “snack” and a project “she’s” excited about, but to my physical and spiritual welfare it’s poison. It’s addiction.

The next verses beautifully express the way to spend an evening of abstinence Book of Mormon style. These verses help us understand how they resisted.

3. “But behold, the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction…” (v.31) – First and foremost they remembered their God.

4. “They could not be taken in their snares; yea, they would not partake of their wine, save they had first given to some of the Lamanite prisoners…” (v.31) – They would not partake. They abstained from anything that might possible be unsafe.

5. “And they were thus cautious that no poison should be administered among them; for if their wine would poison a Lamanite it would also poison a Nephite…” (v.32) They were cautious.

6. “and thus they did try all their liquors.”(v.32) “To try” is not necessarily to taste. Sorry! “To try” is to examine, to prove, to check.

So, if you are like me and the evening is a challenge to your abstinence and sanity, perhaps we should join our ancient brothers and sisters in remembering the love and power of our Lord Jesus Christ; in not partaking, in abstaining; in being a little more cautious with the setting of the sun; and in testing or examining what is offered to us, behavior or substance, before accepting it. This is how to Enjoy An Evening of Abstinence Book of Mormon Style!

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, June 29, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“So…What Do You Eat For Breakfast?”

One afternoon last week I answered the phone and the voice on the other end of the line said, “This is Brother ______, the man in your ward who said he was interested in loosing weight. You said you’ve lost 92 pounds. So, what do you eat for breakfast?”

The question caught me completely off guard, maybe because it was a man, and he was so direct. Usually when women inquire they’re a little more vague. They say things like, “So tell me what you’ve been doing.” I understand that they want to know what food plan I found to be so successful and if I go to the gym twice a day. I always explain that my weight loss is due to treating my struggle with food as an addiction, the same way an alcoholic, who wants recovery, treats his or her alcoholism. I try to live each day applying the spiritual based, gospel based 12 Steps to my life and I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 12 Step support group meetings.

For some reason when this gentleman called and asked what I eat for breakfast everyday I told him. As I hung up I imagined how ridiculous it would be for a disparate alcoholic to call an alcoholic living in recovery and say him, “Hey, I’m struggling with alcohol and I need help. So what do you drink now that your not drinking alcohol?”

I imagined the man in recovery answering back, “Well, I have orange juice with my breakfast, milk at lunch, ice water with my dinner and a little apple juice in the afternoon.”

No one in his or her right mind would even begin to think that this information would be helpful to the struggling alcoholic. My experience is that, “What do you eat for breakfast, lunch, or dinner?” is likewise the wrong question for the compulsive eater!

Generally, people know what to eat, drink, spend, play, and view. We know what moderate work, exercise, spending, and frustration look like. We know what other people take for pain and how much. But knowing what is right and choosing the right are two different things for the addict. For the person wanting lasting relief from addiction there is only one question. “What must I do to receive the power to change my destructive use and excess behaviors?”

I too use to ask recovering compulsive eaters what they ate for breakfast. Now I understand that the information I really needed was, “How do you live between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and until you go to bed to receive the power to eat meal after meal in health and moderation.

I pray I will continually remember that my recovery is the result of the power I have received and continue to receive from God. It has not only changed my body, it has changed my life, and it most certainly is not simply about what I eat for breakfast!

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, March 28, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Hands Alone, Hands Together – 12 Step Progress

“So Lord, people are starting to notice that I’ve lost ninety pounds. They all want to know how I lost it. I always tell them that I deal with the issue of food like a recovering alcoholic deals with alcohol. I use all the tool of recovery. I apply the 12 Steps to my everyday life and I attend recovery meetings, because food has become my drug of choice. The reaction is fascinating. It’s quite obvious that people just want to know which of all the latest diets I used. I tell them that the foundation of my success is in coming unto Christ and receiving direction and power to abstain from destructive behavior in regard to food. It becomes immediately apparent that most people have never considered that the excess weight they carry around has anything to do with their spiritual life and certainly not with addiction.”

“The next thing they seem to be curious about is how long it took to loose the weight. I don’t have a very impressive answer for them Lord. I discovered the 12 Steps twenty years ago and practiced, and studied, and applied these spiritual principles to my life for a long time before I ever lost a pound. Even when I was blessed with weight loss it was a half a pound some weeks and a quarter another, week after week. Every day for twenty years I have been blessed with glorious results. Many things in my life have changed: my feelings about myself, relationships with others, my understanding of the Gospel, my appreciation of the mission of Jesus Christ in my daily life, and unspeakable gratitude for the His Atonement. I learned; I grew spiritually, I stopped gaining weigh, but I didn’t ‘get skinny’ over night. I want to ‘carry the message’ Lord. How should I think about this journey? It’s certainly not the quick fix everyone hopes to discover when they inquire?”

This was the essence of what I expressed to the Lord one night while I was loading the dishwasher. I didn’t have to wait long for the answer. It came in the form of a likening, but not from the scriptures, from life. As I stood at the sink, addressing my thoughts to God, my teenage son Andrew, was upstairs practicing the piano. I had challenged him to start learning the hymns. I can’t remember what he was playing, but it sounded terrible. He was upstairs with the door closed. My habit was to call out some bit of advice to any child who was practicing in a way that defied any progress, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear. In my mind I said, “That kid needs to practice hands alone!”

“Exactly Nannette!” the Spirit saw His opportunity. “You had to practice ‘hands alone.’ For years and years you had used physical programs to loose weight. You were successful too. Time after time you lost it. You know exactly how to loose weight, but you had absolutely no idea how to maintain what you obtained. Maintaining recovery from any kind of destructive personal behavior has to be spiritual first. The earth was created spiritually before it was created physically and so was your healthy body. You’re right; the results you originally came for twenty years ago did not come fast. Applying the Atonement is not quick fix. I’m not interested in the quick fix. I am interested in you real and ever – lasting progress.”

Hands Alone, Then Hands Together – Spiritual Then Physical – That’s The Lord’s Way.

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, February 26, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“What Am I Hungry For?”

The following is an exercise that only requires your journal, a pen, your scriptures and a little bit of time. I had my Young Women ponder and write about these questions during a quiet hour at camp one year. I wanted the girls and their leaders to feel as though we were sitting on the couch in my family room having a conversation. My hope is that the simplicity of this interchange might be helpful.

Every so often I ask a person how they’re doing and they tell me they feel empty inside. I’m pretty sure they’re not saying they skipped breakfast or it’s time for dinner. So what are they talking about?”

This is a Primary level question, but it’s important. Our souls are made up of two parts. See Doctrine and Covenants 88:15. What are the two parts of our souls?

Both parts need to be feed or filled. I’ve discovered that the empty feeling I sometimes have inside when I feel like screaming or crying or when I feel just plain nothing is my spiritual tummy saying, “Please feed me!” Do you ever feel the discomfort of being spiritually hungry or empty inside?

How does it feel and what do you usually do about this feeling?

Sometimes we feel spiritually empty and don’t recognize it for what it is, and don’t know what to do about it. Often we try to fill ourselves with things or activities that feel good. The trouble is that the good feeling we get doesn’t last. It’s very temporary. In today’s world, often what people use to try and make them feel better is very destructive. Try writing down some of the things other people do or use to make them feel better.

Some of the common things people do are actually good things done in excess like watching TV, playing computer games, texting, surfing the web, over eating, excess shopping, exercise, and work. Others find temporary pleasure in tobacco, alcohol, coffee, tea, and drugs (prescription and illegal), and behaviors that become compulsive and addictive such as gambling, viewing pornography, inappropriate sexual behavior, anger, lying, violence, and disorders associated with eating.

Can you identify any substance or behavior (serious or seeming innocent) you use to make yourself feel better that may be causing problems in your life?

How is your behavior affecting your life?

What do you think your spirit likes to feast on?

Let’s see what it says in the scriptures. Look up 2 Nephi 32:3. What is your spirit hungry for?

Look up 2 Nephi 9:51. What are the qualities of spiritual food?

Our spirits love to feast on the words of Christ. Where do we find the His word to us?

So if I don’t study or feast on the word of God I’ll be spiritually hungry or empty and nothing else is really going to satisfy my hunger.

In 1 Nephi 11 we read about the dream of the Prophet Lehi. In that dream we are taught that there is a special blessing awaiting those people who continually hold fast to or feast on the word of God. They are led to a special tree called the Tree of Life.

The Tree of Life is a symbol. Look up 1 Nephi 11:22. What is it a symbol of?

In Jacob 3:2 we are taught that our Spirits are hungry for something else. What?

So if I feast on the word of God I will be led to the love of God

Lehi’s Tree of Life has fruit on it. Look up 1 Nephi 8:11-12.

What does Lehi say about the fruit? How did it make him feel when he ate it? How did it taste?

When you think of the love of God what picture comes to your mind?

The picture that comes to my mind is the picture of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross atoning for my sins. This was the greatest sign of the love of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father for us.

What is the fruit of this tree?

One of the meanings of the word “fruit” is “result” The fruit or the result of Jesus’ loving atonement is His ability to prepare us in every way to return to our Heavenly Father. His ability to give us direction through the Holy Ghost and the power to do what is right are results or fruits of His Atonement. The people in Lehi’s Dream who are eating the fruit of the Tree of Life are partaking of the blessings that come to us because of the Atonement.

So how can you and I partake of the Atonement today and fill our spiritual selves?

If I study or feast on the word of God I will be led to and be able to feast from the “Love of God Tree” and partake of all the fruits or blessings that result from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Not only will I be spiritually full, I will receive all that my Savior desired to bless me with.

When the Bishop asks us if we are praying, reading our scriptures, writing our thoughts and impressions in our journals, and attending our meetings he’s not being nosey or judgmental. He is really trying to find out if we are full or if we’re starving spiritually. It’s kind of like having a doctor ask us if we are getting enough sleep, exercise, and good nutritious food.

So how is your spiritual tummy today? Are you full or are you running on empty?

If you are hungry what can you do about it?

The commandment to pray and read and write and attend our meetings is an invitation by God to you and I to feast upon His word. Feasting upon His word will lead us to the feast upon the love and the loving gifts He can give you because of His Atonement. This is the feast of all feasts and the kitchen is always open.

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday February 16, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Am I Hungry Or Do I Just Want A Treat? Hmmm?” – Abstinence

This post is all about my experience, and others may not relate at all. Take what you like and leave the rest. I am sharing this thought to help myself, and others who do relate.

Tonight I have three separate Christmas parties to attend; all of them involve my drug of choice, food. No matter what our drug of choice, holidays always challenge my commitment to live in recovery, clean and sober. Again, I am very aware that there are many people in the world who are able to eat in moderation and with sanity. I am not.

One night after pajamas were on, teeth brushed, and story read, I over heard the following conversation between Sammy and her dad:

“Daddy, I’m hungry!” Sammy announced as she was being carried off to bed.
“Would you like a bowl of cereal?” Daddy asked.
Sammy replied, “No daddy, not that…something good!
Daddy responded, “Are you hungry Sam, or do you just want a treat?”

The thought immediately came to my mind, “Nannette, that’s a good question to ask yourself whenever the desire to eat comes up or the opportunity to eat comes along.”

I looked up the word “treat.” You knew I would! I laughed when I saw that one of the synonyms was “morsel.”

“What?” I said, “But a morsel is just a little bit!”

“Exactly, Nannette!”

I guess that for many people having a treat is having a little taste of something. For me the, “I’ll just have a little bit, thanks” or “Please cut my piece in half,” sets me up for a wrestle with cravings and a battle with the Adversary that is simply not worth the taste. For me, having a little is never the solution for wanting a lot.

Often as I visit with other people who struggle with unhealthy eating patterns I am asked if I think the Lord could extend to them the blessing the moderation with treats (those nutritiously empty calorie foods we consume for pure pleasure). I suppose the answer would have to be “yes.” The Lord can do anything that is for our best good. But moderation with what we term “junk food” in today’s society is a gift He has not given me. Although I have experienced years of the gift of abstinence, I have never experienced any lasting success in receiving the gift of moderation when it come to treats.

Every once in a while I have given the moderation in “all things” challenge a shot. An alcoholic, “living in recovery” calls this, “The Grand Experiment.” These are the thoughts I recorded in my journal after one such experimental spree:

“After eighteen years experience applying the principles of recovery I experienced some uncontrolled eating in connection with a party tonight. I’m not sure what to think? Was it relapse or was it recovery? Let’s see…my eating was filled with dishonest optimism…. “I’m only going to have a taste,” with the backup justification, “This is a celebration!” Any addict with more that thirty minutes of clean time would call this, “Stinkin’ Thinkin!” I certainly did not stop with a polite taste. It interrupted my peace. In fact, it contributed to my “un-peace.” Is un-peace over unhealthy eating choices something to recover from? It seems to be completely unhelpful for me to think of poor eating as some kind of recovery. The addict/alcoholic in recovery would tell me that to recover from addiction by learning to use in moderation has never ever been an effective path to recovery. In fact, striving for moderation in an area where one is truly addicted is a sweeping gateway toward relapse no matter what the addiction.

Addiction is triggered by an activity or substance that incites craving and unrest in the user. And while it’s true that alcoholics still drink something, over spenders still spend, and overeaters still eat. In recovery we do not drink, spend, or eat that which knocks at the door and threatens our sanity.

I’m sure that science and psychology have volumes of response to the feelings I have expressed. But for me, for today, I am going to stick with what’s working – abstaining under the direction and with the power of the Lord. I don’t do well with treats. I don’t want just a morsel. Living this way has blessed me with a ninety pound sustained weight loss, with greater serenity than I have ever known, and with a relationship with Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ I never dreamed possible. Hats off to all those “Oh I just couldn’t eat an other bite” folks, and I know there are many. I’m not one of them. As for me, when it comes to certain foods, having a little is never the solution for wanting a lot.

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, December 14, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“It’s a Free Country!” Or Not – Abstinence

I can’t remember how young I was the first time I used the phrase, “It’s a free country” to justify something I had just done or something I wanted to do. My brother told me that when his son Jonathan, was just a little guy, he was next door playing with a friend. About dinnertime my brother walked to the neighbors to retrieve his three year old and bring him in for the night. He knocked. Jonathan and his little friend answered the door.

“It’s time to come home son, mom’s got dinner all ready,” said dad, hoping for a smooth transition.

Jonathan’s reply, “I don’t have to come home! It’s a free country! I can do anything I want!”

Later that night, my brother announced to Mister Independence that it was now time to take a bath. Once again Jonathan spoke his mind. With hands on his hips and with as much determination as he could exhibit, Jonathan reminded his dad that because of the kind of country we live in “free” he did not have to take a bath.

“I don’t have to take a bath. It’s a free country,” he said. And then, just to make his stance perfectly clear the little fellow who didn’t quite have the “th” sound mastered, added, “And when I turn four, it will be a four country!”

There seems to be a lot of confusion in the world, even among “big people” concerning the concept of freedom. This confusion is the root of so many of our world wide, national, and personal struggles, including the epidemic problem of addiction.

There are times when I am tempted to use the word “freedom” to justify my right to act out in some way that is unhealthy or destructive to me or to others. “I can eat this, do or not do that, say this, act like that…I’m free! It’s a free country! I usually don’t say it out loud. I allow it to run through my mind when the opportunity arises to take action, action that in the past, resulted in some kind of misery and a surprising loss of freedom.

Nephi tries to help us straighten out our confusion when he taught, “Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” (2 Nephi 2:27)

In other words, I have God given freedom to choose. I can use that freedom to choose greater freedom, or I can use it to choose captivity; to choose to be less free in some area of my life. Let’s take the freedom to eat for example; when I exert my freedom by choosing to eat well, I receive greater freedom in the form of a health body, clear thinking, ease of movement, and a mind free of worry about the subject. But if I use the freedom to choose to justify poor eating I forfeit freedom. For the alcoholic/addict that loss of freedom comes in the form of “jails, institutions, or death.” Although no one will ever put me in jail for destructive eating, I understand the sorrow of making a prison out of my own body.

Living in recovery is helping me sort out my own confusion about this business of freedom. Today I practice catching myself mid thought, before I take destructive action. The truth is, I am free to eat, drink, and take whatever I want into my body. I’m free to do or not do, to speak or not speak, and to act according to my will because, like Jonathan said, it is in fact is “a free country!” But on my next birthday, based on my choices this year, it won’t be a “four country” It will be a place of greater or lesser personal freedom based on my choices today.

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, November 15, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

I Don’t Have to Drink Out of My Shoe! – Abstinence

My head was swimming with thoughts generated during the Recovery support group meeting I had just attended. I pulled into the garage, walked into the house and set my key, scriptures, journal, pen and Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing on the kitchen counter. What to do next? I dialed my daughters cell number just to check in on a summer afternoon. I could tell by the noise behind the, “Hi Mom, what’s up?” that she and the kids were out and about having a bit of fun in the sun. We visited for a minute and I tried to hear the news of her day over lots of background commotion when suddenly she yelled out, “T.J., don’t drink out of your shoe!”

Now I wasn’t in church or a recovery meeting, but in that very moment God spoke to me about my recovery through a two and a half year old little boy. My grandson, T.J. had apparently gotten a little thirsty at the water park and thought he had no other alternative than to fill his shoe with water and take care of his problem right then and there.

What the Lord said to me was, “Whatever you do next Nannette, don’t drink out of your shoe!” Living in recovery, living clean and sober from my drug of choice (excess food) is about trusting that God will feed my soul and quench my thirst. I don’t have to grab the most accessible, quick acting, “unclean” thing at hand to take care of my immediate need. I don’t have to drink out of my shoe.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.