In the Nest or Not—It’s All Part of the Plan

Speaking of birds—outside our kitchen window is a big old apple tree.  In that tree hangs a large bird house.  It was a father and son project years ago.  It’s been mended many times by the father part of the team.  Last year it blew apart in the wind.  This year my husband cleaned out past nesting materials, nailed the bottom back on, repainted it with a fresh coat of bright red paint and secured it to the tree.  He wanted to make sure that our yearly bird visitors would have a better experience this season.   Over the years it’s been the starter home for several batches of starlings.  Through the nesting season we have a good time observing mom and dad starling wear themselves to a frazzle. We watch them feather the nest, keep those eggs warm, search out and bring home worm after worn after worm, and conduct flying lessons, all the while keeping the neighbor’s cat at bay. By the time they all abandon the nest for the season the babies look pretty perky, but the parents look incredibly haggard. They’ve given it their all—that’s what starlings do.

One evening recently my daughter pointed out a nest that has been built this spring in the flowering pear tree next to her front porch.  The very next day there were three blue eggs in the nest with a mother robin perched on top.  During the night there was a tremendous wind that not only blew away the blossoms on all the trees but took down shingles and pieces of siding from homes in the neighborhood.  That mother robin was not going anywhere though.  No amount of opposition was going to cause her to leave her post.  My grandkids were concerned and checked on her through the night.  She was immovable!

I’ve been thinking about these bird parents lately and their diligence and wholehearted dedication to provide for and nurture their children.  It’s an inspiring thing to observe. It’s a part of who they are.  It’s a part of their very nature. They came that way. I’ve also been thinking about my own experience as a parent and how excruciatingly hard it is to let go when the providing and nurturing days are over.  I’ve been thinking about my friends who have young adult children who are struggling for their lives. The advice they receive over and over again is that they have to let go—they have to cut the strings! We all know that further growth can come to our grown children only as we stop bringing home the “worms” and hold a “graduation from flight school,” no matter how great or small their altitude.

Knowing that, my heart still returns to the mother robin and her windy night vigil.  In my office hangs a wonderful drawing of a woman holding her baby in protective arms.  The look in her eyes says, “Don’t you even think of harming my child.” I love that picture.  It’s the way I feel to this day—five married kids and fourteen grandchildren down the road.

Today is Mother’s Day.  In my life and in my work I am surrounded by mothers and fathers struggling to let go of adult children. Letting go is not easy. That’s the understatement of the year. It may be what we’re called to do now, but it seems completely counter to the devotion we were called to then. If it seems hard it’s because it is.  We come by the struggle rightfully.  We are the mother robin who would risk life and limb for her babies. We are that haggard father bird at the end of a very long season. It’s who we are.  It’s the way we came.

I want you to know that I honor each of you and your struggle.  I believe our Heavenly Parents have the greatest compassion for those of us who are at the “letting go” part of life.  They’re grateful for every windy night you stayed perched on that nest and for every worm you brought home to hungry mouths. They know!  What the Lord is asking us to do today is not simply to let go but to go and let Him take over where we left off.

As one who could never imagine giving my chicks the boot and leaving the perch, and who is doing so kicking and screaming, I will share that peace comes to me only when I imagine that in letting go I am placing each of my children in the hands of the Lord, in His nest, and under His very capable wing.

By Nannette W.

Posted Sunday, May 13, 2012

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

What’s In My Monkey Trap?

Yes! The Monkey Trap analogy! I love this “attention” getter. There’s a little attention getter like this at the beginning of every Gospel Doctrine lesson.  They’re all good, but this one I really understand.  I get it, maybe because it involves food.

The instructions to the teacher are to make a visual aid using a shoebox with a very short horizontal hole cut in the middle of the side of the box. Then explain to the class that “… a trap like this can be used to catch a monkey. A container is secured to the ground, and a treat (such as nuts or fruit) is placed inside. The hole in the container is large enough for a monkey’s empty hand to enter easily but too small for the monkey’s hand and the treat to come out together… A monkey sees the treat and reaches in to get it. Once the monkey grabs the treat, it will allow itself to be caught rather than let go of the treat. It will not sacrifice this prize for a greater one—its freedom” (Lesson 17: “What Shall I Do That I May Inherit Eternal Life?” New Testament Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual).

The point of this description is to help us see that we make mistakes similar to the monkey.  There just may be something we are unwilling to let it go even if keeping it is causing us to lose something better—our freedom to make progress.

The first time I was introduced to this concept I knew my personal monkey trap, the one the devil has my name written all over, was full of kinds and quantities of food and behaviors toward food that definitely limited my freedom. I was in bondage to self-loathing and obesity.  No one ever caught me and hauled me off the zoo or to jail, but I did turn my body into its own kind of a prison. I was in bondage.  My obsessions in and around food and my unhealthy weight robbed me of energy and hijacked my mind every day for decades.

The next time this particular Sunday school lesson was taught and the monkey trap analogy was used I had taken each of the 12 Steps.  I was living in recovery from unhealthy eating. I’d lost my excess weight—97 pounds. I’d been released from the bondage of a problem that had held me captive for more than 40 years.  I thought I was done with everything I might learn from the monkey trap analogy, but the Lord had other ideas.

He helped me take another honest look, and I couldn’t have been more surprised at what I found lurking in my monkey trap.  There was my hand clenched around the fear of gaining my weight back, self-consciousness about what others thought about my weight loss and my food plan, and a bit of emptiness, wondering what on earth I was going to worry incessantly about if I continued to live in recovery from my obsession with food and weight. Can you believe that waking up every day and simply weighing the same was frightening to me? But it was.   Gone was all the big hoopla over pounds lost and what would I do without all the big drama over pounds gained. I found my hand in the monkey trap once again, only this time I was not clenching a fist full of food.  It was a fist full of fear.  Over time I am becoming willing and empowered by the Lord to let go, not only of unhealthy amounts of food, but of unhealthy—unwarranted fear involving my body.

There was something else in the box I don’t think I would have noticed if I hadn’t been abstaining from addictive eating—something I couldn’t see before.  In the box were painful character weaknesses, large and small, that had fueled my addiction all these years—things I couldn’t see as long as I was overeating. Now I could see my impatience, my desire for immediate gratification, my tendency to want to control everything and  everyone, my perfectionism, my pride—painful weaknesses I needed to let go of in order to secure my continued recovery—characteristics I was clinging to because they seemed to help me get through the hard times as much as food did.

As 2011 came to a close I had been blessed with three years of what we call, “back to back abstinence.”  Through the grace of God I had let go of physical weight and much of the fear of living at a healthy weight, and I was beginning to allow the Lord to chip away at my character defects. But there it was once again, the invitation in the Gospel Doctrine lesson to consider the monkey traps in my life.

This time my eyes were clear and wide open to the possibilities of what I might be clinging to in that old box, things that still slow my progress. This time I actually felt some excitement over what I might discover.  You may find that to be strange, but having let go of monkey bait several times through the power of the Lord, I have learned that the first two steps are to become aware and admit that I am clinging to something in that box—that I’m trapped, and then to practice believing that because of the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can let go.  I can become free!  That’s exciting to me!

I’ve discovered that the devil knows exactly what to put in my box.  I also know that what’s in my box is not necessarily what’s in yours.  When the prophets tell us that Satan is crafty they’re not “just a kiddin’”!  Today I realize that Satan even puts things in the box that are good, really good—like my undying desire to be perfect and for all my children and your children to be perfect too.

What I know today is that anything I grab hold of—anything I want more than anything else can place me in bondage.  Freedom comes as I let go of all else, remove my hand from my personal “monkey bait” and take hold of the hand of the Lord.  As long as I live on the earth, the monkey trap will be filled with “treats” earmarked for me.  It’s not going away, but neither is the invitation and divine power to let go of the innumerable things that can hold me captive and to grab hold and cleave to the hand of the only One who can deliver me from bondage. In the scripture is says that, “he stretches forth his hands unto them all the day long” (Jacob 6:4). The Lord is close.  He’s standing right beside the trap. He’s waiting.  He knows I can’t even let go without His help.  Every day, multiple times each day, I ask the Lord for the power to pry my little fingers off this or that. I testify that nothing feels better or tastes better than being set free by Him.

I thank the Lord for lessons all around!  I may not believe my great great great great great grandpa was a monkey, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn something from the little furry primates.

By Nannette W.

Posted April 6, 2012

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The Holiday Miracle We Pray For That We Will Not Be Given

Holidays and food—they just go together.  This though comes to mind every time I’m invited to a holiday celebration that involves lots of food—and don’t they all?  It’s called “Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” but it might just as well be called “Everyone’s Christmas Prayer,” or “The Holiday Miracle We Pray For That We Will Not Be Given.”  Enjoy!

“Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” – Abstinence

It was finally pie time.  So many pies! So many flavors! So many decisions! Pie with whipped cream? Pie with ice cream?  “Maybe just a little of both,” I heard someone say. The turkey and rolls started to make their way back out onto the counter, something to balance out all that pie I suppose. “Hey, who brought the eggnog and 7-Up?” questioned one of the uncles with great excitement!

The Thanksgiving Day sun was setting. The cousins were starting to get a little wound up.  My grown children, the parents, were starting to say things like, “Stop! Remember we don’t run in Grandma’s house!” and “No you may not have a fourth piece of pie!” In our family, generally speaking, the later it gets the more energy the children have. With 17 children and 21 adults we were almost outnumbered and it was time to either mesmerize them by playing The Santa Clause 1, 2, 3, and 4 videos, or for the adults to gather up all the energizer turkeys and head toward home for a long post-pie nap.

I stood at the kitchen sink visiting with my brother. “Before we leave,” he said, “I’ve got a story to tell you: This morning before driving down to your house for dinner, I gathered everyone for family prayer.  I called on Michael (age 14) to pray for the family and this is what he prayed, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick.’”

We had a good laugh.  I’ve prayed that prayer myself a thousand times. I’ve been so certain Heavenly Father would hear my prayer and grant me my wish that I’ve gone ahead and put Him to the test.  Time and time again I have hoped for a negligible outcome as I’ve taken in more food and more calories than my body has the capacity to deal with in a healthy way only to be shocked at the after pains.  Without exception I felt sick not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t think you have to be a compulsive eater to relate to Michael’s prayer. In many Addiction Recovery Meetings I’ve heard participants say, “Hi, I’m _____ and I’m addicted to MORE.”  It doesn’t seem to matter if our destructive practices center around the computer, the bar, the refrigerator, the mall, or the neighborhood pharmacy, our prayer has been much like Michael’s Thanksgiving Day request.  “Dear Heavenly Father, please, just this time, grant me the miracle of indulging without consequence.”

This year I am happy to be a compulsive eater who is a grateful Thanksgiving dinner survivor, ninety-seven pounds down from my top weight, but I certainly have not finished my course work on the subject of cause and effect.  I had to smile at the Lord’s sense of humor the other night.  I started developing this little piece of writing late in the evening.  Before climbing into the covers and without thought of what I had just finished writing, I knelt at the foot of my bed and said, “Dear Heavenly Father, once again I’ve stayed up much too late. I know I should have been in bed a long time ago, but please bless me with the ability to wake up early, feeling great, and with energy to accomplish good things in the morning.” As I whispered these words Heavenward I could almost see the corners of the Lord’s mouth turn up just a bit, and with a twinkle in his eye, and His brows slightly raised. He seemed to whisper back, “Oh, I see Nannette, might you be asking for the miracle of indulging without consequence? It reminds me a of the Thanksgiving prayer of a little boy I know, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick?’”

By Nannette W.

Posted Monday, December 7, 2009

From Nannette’s Christmas Archives Re-posted December 20, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Reindeer Resistance – All Steps

On the Monday morning before Christmas I went to the gym for my usual first day of the week work out, water aerobics, a class I love. I was fully prepared to swim, but as I walked past the pool and glanced at my classmates who had already entered the water I had second and even third thoughts.

Now believe me, I’m fully aware that water aerobics is not now and likely never will be an Olympic sport. “Real athletes” and “gym regulars” have been known to poke fun at all those splashing about in the shallow end of the pool who seem to be suffering from the delusion that they are actually “working out.” We use things like Styrofoam weights and “noodles” to facilitate our workout, not exactly the equipment you’d love to have your picture taken with for the latest fitness magazine. For many reasons it would be nice if water aerobics were a private affair instead of an activity surrounded by window glass walls and situated in the corner of a very busy gym. Putting all self-consciousness aside, I’m a regular, and water aerobics has been a very real and effective form of exercise for me.

So what was the cause of my resistance on this particular day before Christmas 2009? As I walked toward the door I glanced in at my classmates and recognized right away that a new piece of equipment had been added. Placed atop the head of each swimmer was a bold set of reindeer felt antlers, some red, some green, and all sets complete with jingling bells. Front and center was our teacher whose noggin was covered in a red fluffy Santa hat. She was the “Little Saint Nick” and we were apparently to be her “Run, Run, Running Reindeer.”

Though I love our well-meaning teacher and knew this was her contribution to our holiday cheer, I was mortified. As I walked past the window toward the dressing room the whole silly looking class of women smiled and waved to me. There was no discrete way out of this. They had all seen my swim bag and I needed to exercise. I entered the pool area. Maybe if I completely ignore the obvious they’ll forget. But oh no! The teacher immediately exited the pool, reached into her little bag, and brought forth a set of red felt jingling Christmas dress ups for me. Apparently there were plenty to go around.

For the next hour we exercised hard and we laughed hard too! It was all very good for me I’m sure (the exercise and the “antlers”). I tend to be too self-conscious and to take myself a bit too seriously. In recovery I’m learning that as I live right there is always the possibility that I will look foolish to others.

Recently in my scripture study I ran across a phrase I have not understood and have previously passed over. This time for some reason I stayed with it until I had a better understanding. It was in 2 Nephi 9:18 which says: “But, behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the crosses of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall inherit the kingdom of God, which was prepared for them from the foundation of the world, and their joy shall be full forever.”

The concept I couldn’t grasp was what it meant to “despise the shame” of the world? So, I got out my dictionary. The word despise means “to regard as beneath one’s notice and unworthy of consideration or interest.” The shame of the world is the guilt or disgrace that the world tries to lay on us as we try to “choose the right.”

In short we “despise the shame of the world” when we are willing to go forward and take action based not on how we might come across to “the world” but based on our best understanding of God’s will for us. We let go of the reaction of the world and of those who are of the world, even at the risk of looking silly, foolish, naive, or even down right ridiculous.

We are called to do good and let go of the reaction of others. In the world there will be never ending opportunities to work on our ability to focus on the Lord and proceed, unashamed. So don’t you worry! Your next opportunity to practice this principle is probably just around the corner, inside the gym, the restaurant, the theater, at church, at the mall, or right in your own home.

My desire is to set aside pride wherever it exists within me. I think I should keep a set of those reindeer antlers around as a funny reminder of a very real, very serious divine challenge. Figuratively speaking what each of us has to do is practice placing those reindeer antlers on our heads and jumping in the pool in every aspect of our lives.

Happy New Year to all!

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, January 7, 2010

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Michael’s Thanksgiving Day Prayer” – Abstinence

It was finally pie time. So many pies! So many flavors! So many decisions! Pie with whip cream? Pie with ice cream? “Maybe just a little of both,” I heard someone say. The turkey and rolls started to make their way back out onto on counter, something to balance out all that pie I suppose. “Hey, who brought the eggnog and seven-up?” questioned one of the uncles with great excitement!

The Thanksgiving Day sun was setting. The cousins were starting to get a little wound up. My grown children, the parents, were starting to say things like, “Stop! Remember we don’t run in Grandma’s house!” and “No you may not have a fourth piece of pie!” In our family, generally speaking, the later it gets the more energy the children have. With 17 children and 21 adults we were almost outnumbered and it was time to either mesmerize them by playing The Santa Clause 1, 2, 3, and 4 videos, or for the adults to gather up all the energizer turkeys and head toward home for a long post pie nap.

I stood at the kitchen sink visiting with my brother. “Before we leave,” he said, “I’ve got a story to tell you: This morning before driving down to your house for dinner I gathered every one for family prayer. I called on Michael (age 14)to pray for the family and this is what he prayed, ‘Heavenly Father,Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick.’”

We had a good laugh. I’ve prayed that prayer myself a thousand times. I’ve been so certain Heavenly Father would hear my prayer and grant me my wish that I’ve gone ahead and put him to the test. Time and time again I have hoped for a negligible outcome as I’ve taken in more food and more calories than my body has the capacity to deal with in a healthy way only to be shocked at the after pains. Without exception I felt sick not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t think you have to be a compulsive eater to relate to Michael’s prayer. In many Addiction Recovery Meetings I’ve heard participants say, “Hi, I’m _____ and I’m addicted to MORE.” It doesn’t seem to matter if our destructive practices center around the computer, the bar, the refrigerator, the Mall, or the neighborhood pharmacy, our prayer has been much like Michaels Thanksgiving Day request. “Dear Heavenly Father, Please, just this time, grant me the miracle of indulging without consequence.”

This year I am happy to be a compulsive eater who is a grateful Thanksgiving Dinner survivor, ninety-seven pounds down from my top weight, but I certainly have not finished my course work on the subject of cause and effect. I had to smile at the Lord’s sense of humor the other night. I started developing this little piece of writing late in the evening. Before climbing into the covers and without thought of what I had just finished writing, I knelt at the foot of my bed and said, “Dear Heavenly Father, Once again I’ve stayed up much too late. I know I should have been in bed a long time ago, but please bless me with the ability to wake up early, feeling great, and with energy to accomplish good thing in the morning.” As I whispered these words Heavenward I could almost see the corners of the Lord’s mouth turn up just a bit, and with a twinkle in his eye, and His brows slightly raised He seemed to whisper back, “Oh, I see Nannette, might you be asking for the miracle of indulging without consequence? It reminds me a of the Thanksgiving prayer of a little by I know, ‘Please bless us that we will be able to eat as much as possible without getting sick?’”

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, December 7, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Enjoying An Evening of Abstinence Book of Mormon Style

One morning during Family Scripture Study I read my four verses aloud and then paused before commenting with that well used expression “Hmmm?” My family broke into laughter, poking fun at their scripture-loving /scripture-likening mother. “She’ll find something in it. You just watch,” said my husband, giving me his vote of confidence. These were the verses at hand:

Alma 55:29-31
29 Many times did the Lamanites attempt to encircle them about by night, but in these attempts they did lose many prisoners.
30 And many times did they attempt to administer of their wine to the Nephites, that they might destroy them with poison or with drunkenness.
31 But behold, the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction. They could not be taken in their snares; yea, they would not partake of their wine, save they had first given to some of the Lamanite prisoners.
32 And they were thus cautious that no poison should be administered among them; for if their wine would poison a Lamanite it would also poison a Nephite; and thus they did try all their liquors.

When the Lord says to liken all scripture unto ourselves these verses were not on the list of exceptions. There was definitely something instructive to me. These were my thoughts.

1. “Many times did the Lamanites attempt to encircle them about by night…”(v.29) – For many of us the hardest time of day to remain abstinent from destructive substances and behaviors is during the nighttime hours. How many daytime hours of abstinence and sanity have I experienced that ended in nights of over-eating, over my bedtime, over-thinking, over-worry, over-crafting, or over-organizing etc.

2. “And many times did they attempt to administer of their wine to the Nephites, that they might destroy them with poison or with drunkenness…”(v.30) – I’ve never been drunk with wine, but I can easily lose focus and stop doing the will of God as a complex day comes head to head with my weariness at day’s end. Often no one knows but me. I know it! To others it just looks like an evening “snack” and a project “she’s” excited about, but to my physical and spiritual welfare it’s poison. It’s addiction.

The next verses beautifully express the way to spend an evening of abstinence Book of Mormon style. These verses help us understand how they resisted.

3. “But behold, the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction…” (v.31) – First and foremost they remembered their God.

4. “They could not be taken in their snares; yea, they would not partake of their wine, save they had first given to some of the Lamanite prisoners…” (v.31) – They would not partake. They abstained from anything that might possible be unsafe.

5. “And they were thus cautious that no poison should be administered among them; for if their wine would poison a Lamanite it would also poison a Nephite…” (v.32) They were cautious.

6. “and thus they did try all their liquors.”(v.32) “To try” is not necessarily to taste. Sorry! “To try” is to examine, to prove, to check.

So, if you are like me and the evening is a challenge to your abstinence and sanity, perhaps we should join our ancient brothers and sisters in remembering the love and power of our Lord Jesus Christ; in not partaking, in abstaining; in being a little more cautious with the setting of the sun; and in testing or examining what is offered to us, behavior or substance, before accepting it. This is how to Enjoy An Evening of Abstinence Book of Mormon Style!

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, June 29, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

"I Learned How to Love Them, Dear Mother, from You "– Perfectionism and Step 11

As I live my days, I often find myself overwhelmed at the seemingly infinite number of good things to do. I feel confined by time and space and body. I wish with all my heart that I could do it all. With goals and planners, I try to make sure I don’t miss anything. Even so, it seems I can never hug enough, visit enough, help enough, get everything clean enough, study enough, teach enough, be awake long enough, sleep in enough, sing enough, or save enough pictures or scraps of memory.

It is said that we must ‘seize the day,’ but I swear I cannot take in the whole of it. I try and try, but I am always left with the feeling that dozens of good things are falling out of my arms. The Eternal in me cries out to be free to live and love it all. While all of nature seems to be filling the measure of its creation, I seem to be incapable of filling the measure of my own.

Despite all these feelings, however, I often find myself inadvertently humming a little melody. One day, as I was busy with the many activities of my life, I caught myself humming again. This time I took note of just which song it was and filled in the words:

“I often go walking in the meadows of clover
And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over.
Dear Mother, all flowers remind me of you.”

This song always has and always will remind me of my own sweet mother, but this day, out of the blue, into my mind came a new view and a new understanding. In my imagination the blossoms were transformed into all the good things there are to choose from on this Earth. The vast meadow became all of creation, and my Mother in Heaven became the Mother I am reminded of by every sweet and beautiful thing. With this realization came a definite knowing that once, long ago as Her child, I learned to gather armfuls of flowers all over creation. There was no lack of time or strength or resources. There was only joy and delight in gathering what I saw Her gather. And so it came to my mind that perhaps my love for harvesting every good thing on earth has its roots in Heaven.

As I allowed this image to dwell in my mind I imagined the words she might speak to me and to each of Her daughters:

Dear Daughter,
All good is of God. May you be blessed to discern the will of the Jesus Christ. His word to you, through the Holy Spirit, will tell you the good He would have you do. Remember, that you are in a meadow of darkness. As you search in the darkness, using only His Light to lead you from flower to flower, from good to good, each flower you bring to me is most precious. Because of your willingness and desire to glean beauty even in darkness, every flower you gather is wonderful to me! The value of each Christ directed task you do more than makes up for all the flowers we have gathered in the brightness of Heaven. Peacefully surrender and bring me only those flowers He directs and empowers you to bring. It is enough!

And then, there was only the last verse of the song left to sing. This is my reply:

“Dear Mother, I bring you my love with each flower.
To send forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through.
For if I love flowers and meadows and walking
I learned how to love them dear Mother, from you.”

P.S. This is my Earthly Mother’s favorite Mothers Day song too. She’s the one who taught me about His Light and pointed out to me that the finest flowers from Heaven on Earth are the Gospel of Jesus Christ and my family. I thank her with all my heart.

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, May 9, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Practice Makes Progress – Principles For a Lifetime

I can’t remember when I took my first piano lesson, but as far back as I can remember, practicing the piano daily was a part of my routine. In my elementary school years my teacher was the traveling variety. She came highly recommended, gray haired, thick-rimmed glasses, and very old. Once a week I would sit at the piano with her and try to demonstrate that I had made some kind of progress in the six days of rehearsal between this lesson and the last. She was what you might call a “hands on” teacher, always grabbing at my fingers, stretching them this way and that, correcting my fingering, not with a word or two, but with what I thought was brute force. My mother sat on the couch at my back. Sometimes I would put my hands behind my back and rub and sooth my poor fingers just to show my mother that I was not a happy musician. Eventually, like most kids, I won out and the lessons stopped. I remember crying though. It’s funny how we know we are going to miss something, even when we have fought so hard and finally won.

In high school I decided to give the piano another try. I had a wonderful teacher. Each week my mother would take me to her home where I would take a lesson in her lovely studio on a shiny, black, grand piano. She taught me how to practice and she taught me to love the piano. My mother was a stickler for daily practice. I got up before it was light and practiced before early morning Seminary. During this time I made great progress. My practice was consistent and I experienced the joy of working until I really felt that a piece of music was not perfect, but was “coming right along.” One of the pieces I worked hard on was by Bach. It was one in a series of Two Part Inventions. It was fast and challenging.

I haven’t spent much consistent time at the piano for many years. I still have my copy of the Bach piece and one day, just for fun, I gave it a whirl. Let’s just say it was only slightly better than if I had never ever laid eyes on it. Not long after, I was preparing to teach the Gospel Doctrine Lesson. The subject was decidedly important but one that would be very familiar to my students. I wondered as I sat preparing the lesson, “Why do we have to go over the same things time and time again?” Then my Two Part Invention by Bach came to mind.

That Sunday I opened the class by announcing I had something very exciting I wanted to share with my ward family, a little introductory musical number. I told them that it was a piano piece from my youth and that I remembered working and working on it hour upon hour for months.

Well, of course, it was terrible! I pretended utter embarrassment, came away from the piano and back to my teaching position. I explained that the constant review and practice of Gospel principles is critical to our progress. What we once knew has to be constantly renewed. Without repeated study and self-examination we not only quit making spiritual progress, we actually regress!

Alma puts it this way, “And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?” (Alma 5:26)

According to the prophets, in order to maintain and deepen the progress we have made toward Eternal Life as we have applied the principles of the Gospel, we have to continue our devoted application of the principles that have blessed us thus far.

The same truth that holds true with Gospel principles in general also holds true to the application of the 12 Steps. Without continued practice my answer to Alma’s question will have to be, “No, I cannot feel so now.” I’ve had people ask me, “Nannette, Do you have to live this way the rest of your life? When can you say you’ve “recovered? When do you graduate?” My answer is that I strive to live every day in recovery, in a recovered and growing relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. There is no graduation, at least not in this life.

If I stop practicing these principles, my progress will eventually be as rusty as my resent Sunday school recital. Most of us are familiar with the old saying “Practice Makes Perfect.” I have to admit that as of yet my practice has never made anything perfect. I vote we change the saying to “Practice Makes Progress.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, April 3, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“So…What Do You Eat For Breakfast?”

One afternoon last week I answered the phone and the voice on the other end of the line said, “This is Brother ______, the man in your ward who said he was interested in loosing weight. You said you’ve lost 92 pounds. So, what do you eat for breakfast?”

The question caught me completely off guard, maybe because it was a man, and he was so direct. Usually when women inquire they’re a little more vague. They say things like, “So tell me what you’ve been doing.” I understand that they want to know what food plan I found to be so successful and if I go to the gym twice a day. I always explain that my weight loss is due to treating my struggle with food as an addiction, the same way an alcoholic, who wants recovery, treats his or her alcoholism. I try to live each day applying the spiritual based, gospel based 12 Steps to my life and I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 12 Step support group meetings.

For some reason when this gentleman called and asked what I eat for breakfast everyday I told him. As I hung up I imagined how ridiculous it would be for a disparate alcoholic to call an alcoholic living in recovery and say him, “Hey, I’m struggling with alcohol and I need help. So what do you drink now that your not drinking alcohol?”

I imagined the man in recovery answering back, “Well, I have orange juice with my breakfast, milk at lunch, ice water with my dinner and a little apple juice in the afternoon.”

No one in his or her right mind would even begin to think that this information would be helpful to the struggling alcoholic. My experience is that, “What do you eat for breakfast, lunch, or dinner?” is likewise the wrong question for the compulsive eater!

Generally, people know what to eat, drink, spend, play, and view. We know what moderate work, exercise, spending, and frustration look like. We know what other people take for pain and how much. But knowing what is right and choosing the right are two different things for the addict. For the person wanting lasting relief from addiction there is only one question. “What must I do to receive the power to change my destructive use and excess behaviors?”

I too use to ask recovering compulsive eaters what they ate for breakfast. Now I understand that the information I really needed was, “How do you live between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and until you go to bed to receive the power to eat meal after meal in health and moderation.

I pray I will continually remember that my recovery is the result of the power I have received and continue to receive from God. It has not only changed my body, it has changed my life, and it most certainly is not simply about what I eat for breakfast!

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, March 28, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Hands Alone, Hands Together – 12 Step Progress

“So Lord, people are starting to notice that I’ve lost ninety pounds. They all want to know how I lost it. I always tell them that I deal with the issue of food like a recovering alcoholic deals with alcohol. I use all the tool of recovery. I apply the 12 Steps to my everyday life and I attend recovery meetings, because food has become my drug of choice. The reaction is fascinating. It’s quite obvious that people just want to know which of all the latest diets I used. I tell them that the foundation of my success is in coming unto Christ and receiving direction and power to abstain from destructive behavior in regard to food. It becomes immediately apparent that most people have never considered that the excess weight they carry around has anything to do with their spiritual life and certainly not with addiction.”

“The next thing they seem to be curious about is how long it took to loose the weight. I don’t have a very impressive answer for them Lord. I discovered the 12 Steps twenty years ago and practiced, and studied, and applied these spiritual principles to my life for a long time before I ever lost a pound. Even when I was blessed with weight loss it was a half a pound some weeks and a quarter another, week after week. Every day for twenty years I have been blessed with glorious results. Many things in my life have changed: my feelings about myself, relationships with others, my understanding of the Gospel, my appreciation of the mission of Jesus Christ in my daily life, and unspeakable gratitude for the His Atonement. I learned; I grew spiritually, I stopped gaining weigh, but I didn’t ‘get skinny’ over night. I want to ‘carry the message’ Lord. How should I think about this journey? It’s certainly not the quick fix everyone hopes to discover when they inquire?”

This was the essence of what I expressed to the Lord one night while I was loading the dishwasher. I didn’t have to wait long for the answer. It came in the form of a likening, but not from the scriptures, from life. As I stood at the sink, addressing my thoughts to God, my teenage son Andrew, was upstairs practicing the piano. I had challenged him to start learning the hymns. I can’t remember what he was playing, but it sounded terrible. He was upstairs with the door closed. My habit was to call out some bit of advice to any child who was practicing in a way that defied any progress, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to hear. In my mind I said, “That kid needs to practice hands alone!”

“Exactly Nannette!” the Spirit saw His opportunity. “You had to practice ‘hands alone.’ For years and years you had used physical programs to loose weight. You were successful too. Time after time you lost it. You know exactly how to loose weight, but you had absolutely no idea how to maintain what you obtained. Maintaining recovery from any kind of destructive personal behavior has to be spiritual first. The earth was created spiritually before it was created physically and so was your healthy body. You’re right; the results you originally came for twenty years ago did not come fast. Applying the Atonement is not quick fix. I’m not interested in the quick fix. I am interested in you real and ever – lasting progress.”

Hands Alone, Then Hands Together – Spiritual Then Physical – That’s The Lord’s Way.

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, February 26, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.