Puzzled? – The Power of Example

One thing I didn’t get to do this season was to put together a puzzle. Relaxing is not my forte, but when a puzzle is on the dining room table and the members of my family who like that sort of thing are sitting around chatting and laughing and announcing every puzzle piece they have been cleaver enough to place – I simply can’t resist! The one problem my family has with putting a puzzle together is that there are not enough lids to the puzzle box to go around. The picture is the key to all our success. If there is ever any upset during the activity is it likely because someone has taken possession of the box lid and no one else can make any progress.

I was doing a little spring-cleaning after the holidays and ran across a box of 500 and 1000 piece puzzles we had done in past years. They were all the “really cute” ones that we had such a good time putting together and I couldn’t bear to throw away. Apparently no one wants to do them again because they’ve already been done. As I looked through the box there were a couple of puzzles that did find their way to the trash. They were puzzles that for some reason or another had been put into zip lock bags. No Box! No Picture! As I pulled them out my thought was, “There is no way in the world anyone would ever dump these thousand pieces out on a table and try to put this puzzle together without a picture of the finished product, without any clues.

That’s what trying to apply the 12 Steps would be like without the example of those who have already taken this road. When we hear their stories, what their life was like, what it’s like now, the steps they took, and the tools they used, we begin to feel a spark of hope that we too might be able to make progress. For me, that’s the blessing of attending recovery support meeting, calling support people, and reading about the experience of others.

It’s so tempting to resist coming to meetings, making calls, seeing examples in the scriptures, and spending time reading about the recovery of others because we’re embarrassed by our great need. We hope that somehow we can figure it out on our own. I want to remember that going it alone in recovery, with no example of how it works, is impossible. The “old timers” are key! Trying to apply these 12 principles without examples is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle that’s been dumped in a baggie. There’s a reason we all fight over the lid to the puzzle box. Without it we’re sunk. With it there is every reason to believe that, as we work together, the puzzle will come together.

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, January 10, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

We Share Our Experience, Strength, and Hope – Practice in Telling the Truth

Have I told you I love the scriptures? I get so excited when I read about a principle in the word of God and then hear or see the same principle somewhere in my everyday life. I’m equally trilled when I experience something that feels so right, so true, so of God in daily life and then discover the same principle in the scriptures, expressed in Lord’s words.

During the sharing portion of a recovery meeting we are encouraged to share our “experience, strength, and hope.” I have heard this phrase hundreds of times now. One day as I was studying the scriptures I came across the following verse:

“And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;” (D & C 93:24).

This is the perfect description of what we share in meetings. We share “things as they were” or “our experience.” We share “things as they are” today or “our strength”- the strength we have received to make personal changes as a result of the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Finally we share things “as they are to come” or “our hope”, the things we are working on and our hope for the future based on the miracles in our present life. The Lord defines “things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come” as the “truth.”

One of the hallmarks of addictive behavior is difficulty in knowing and telling the truth. As we share our experience strength and hope with each other we are developing the capacity to know the truth, to tell the truth, and to live the truth. The result is the fulfillment of the Lord’s great promise, “and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, October 24, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Have You Considered the Math Lab?” – Seeking Support

Today I am writing in honor of, but not exclusively to, the many fall 2008 students who have almost made it past the September mile marker but not yet across the December finish line. My heart goes out to you and my prayers reach up for you, but I know it won’t be adequate!

“What?” you say, “Prayer, not adequate?”

I’m reminded of my son Andrew. Before he left to serve an LDS mission, he completed his first four-month experience at the university. Math was the biggest challenge of the semester. He showed up for class, did his homework, and prayed for help. But his test scores were not encouraging. At the beginning of the semester I discussed with him the blessing the “math lab” had been to his older sister. He exhibited absolutely no interest. As the semester wore on and math depression set in, every once in a while, in my best “Cautious now, don’t give your college boy too much motherly advice” voice, I would suggest he make a visit to the math lab. He would look at me with a bit of disgust in his eyes and say, “Oh…they won’t be able to help me!”

Finally, when there was just enough time left to pull his grade out of the cellar he came home one day with a big grin on his face and announced that the math lab was the greatest place on campus.

Like math, application of the 12 steps is not a do it yourself project. A common discovery among those who struggle with compulsive/addictive behavior and are finally reaching out for help is that, “It was my best efforts that got me into this mess.”

So often we decide that we are either beyond the help of others or that our problem is to menial for anyone’s attention. “Oh…they won’t be able to help me!” We wait and wait and try to go it on our own, making promise after promise, resolution after resolution, until the pain of our problem finally drives us to seek the help we needed and could have had much sooner.

Those who are finding success living in recovery reach out for help everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. It takes humility to admit you need to be in the math lab, that you can’t figure it our by yourself. It takes great humility to make a phone call during a time of temptation; to go to recovery meetings; to make an appointment with the Bishop and tell him you are ready to accept his assistance in the repentance process; to ask someone to help you do an inventory of your part in some problem or situation and to help you see how you might make amends. When we reach out we let go of our prideful need to be self-sufficient.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program is the “lab” for anyone who is struggling with compulsive/addictive behavior, and for those who cannot readily identify with addiction. It is the “lab” for anyone who feels helpless and powerless to resolve any of the problems of life. The Mission Statement reads, “…As we practice these 12 steps in our lives, we receive power through the Atonement of Jesus Christ…” Practicing the steps is not a solitary work.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said that you need, “a friend in the Church to whom you can constantly turn, who will walk beside you, who will answer your questions, who will understand your problems” (Ensign, Oct. 2006, 4). He also said: “…Band together and strengthen one another. And when the time of temptation comes, you will have someone to lean on, someone to bless you and give you strength when you need it. That is what this Church is for, so that we can help one another in our times of weakness…” (Eugene Oregon Regional Conference, September 15, 1996)

I don’t want to resist my need for the “lab” (my need to receive help). My progress requires that I seek support. The Lord has made the recourses available so that I don’t have to wait until the end of the semester, or the end of day, or even the end of hour.

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, September 29, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” – Fellowship: Meetings and the Help of Trusted Support People

The rhyme “No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” is a favorite among all the little kids in my world. For those of you who don’t know, it starts out, “Five little monkeys jumping on a bed. One fell off and broke (or “bumped” depending upon the rendition) his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, ‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.” It goes on to tell the story of the four that were left and how they learned absolutely nothing from the one who is now under a doctor’s care. One by one they mindlessly take up jumping again. One by one they repeat the experience of the first little monkey until all of them have been carried off on a stretcher and there are literally, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!” Why? Because there are no more monkeys left! One day I was singing this song with a group of kids I care a lot about and the thought came to me, “You know Nannette, there’s a message here!”

One blessing of attending recovery meetings and seeking out and working with the support of those who have personally applied the 12 Steps, is the opportunity to learn from the experience of others. And what experience do we share? We share what life was like for us when we refused countless times to learn from the suffering of others and the resulting fall that broke our bodies, our spirits, and our relationships. Then we share the great contrast between life then and our life in recovery today.

This is a rhyme about five little monkeys who refused to begin a life in recovery by learning from the experience of their fellow primates. My hope is that someday there will be an end to the cycle of needless damage to bodies and souls. Someday there will be “No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” not because the last little monkey has fallen of, but because we choose to learn from each other, from those who have gone before, to accept God’s direction and power, and to opt out of destructive behavior. Any one of us can put an end to this rhyme. We can say, “This Little Monkey’s Done Jumping on the Bed!” With God’s help I can do it today!

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, September 5, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.