Struggling? Don’t Abandon Your Resolution—Check Your Motivation!

I can do this!  Do it for the clothes—the skinny jeans, the juniors section of Kohls, shopping on the right side of the Dress Barn.  Do it for the concerned people in my life—my husband, my mother, my kids…think of the kids.  Then there’s my doctor. I could do it for him, for my heart, my knees, my family history of heart attacks and diabetes. Now that’s motivation!  Do it so I’ll look great for my daughter’s wedding, my son’s homecoming, for my class reunion. Do it in time for the holidays, the 4^th year hike, and the four day cruise. I know!—I’ll show Heavenly Father I can do it.  He’ll be so proud of me! Do it to show them—myself, the world, my skinny little neighbor. I’ll show them it can be done and that I’m the one who can do it. Buy a new planner. Turn over a new leaf. This time it’s going to happen. Yes!

As I sit at my computer this wintery morning I remember how many of my New Year’s Day entries in my brand-new journal start out with this kind of bravado—literally decades of bold fresh starts–and tears come to my eyes.  It wasn’t that I lacked motivation before recovery.  What I didn’t have was the right motivation.

Then, one day while studying the scriptures I learned something important. In the Book of Mormon I came to a verse which explained why the repentant, living-in-recovery, Sons of Mosiah adopted the religions practice of fasting.

Alma 17:9 says, “And it came to pass that they journeyed many days in the wilderness, and they fasted much…

“Fasted much!” That got my attention.  I had recently discovered the 12 steps of recovery and had been introduced to the concept of abstinence. Having practiced “first Sunday” and “when in great need” fasting since my childhood, I had already seen some correlation between abstinence and fasting. As a compulsive eater with many years of practice grazing my way through the day I was becoming keenly aware that recovery was going to require some measure of fasting between meals.

I read a little more, hoping to learn something from people who seemed to know how to abstain. I read on but didn’t get too far:

“…and they fasted much and prayed much that…”

The next word to get my attention was the little inconspicuous word “that.”  “…and they fasted much and prayed much that…” This verse was about to help me understand why these folks fasted—and perhaps why I should abstain! I was quite sure that none of the possible reasons mentioned in my first paragraph were going to appear in this scripture.  I read on:

“…and they fasted much and prayed much that the Lord would grant unto them a portion of his Spirit to go with them, and abide with them,…”

These former rebellious fellows were motivated by their desire to have the Spirit with them on the trail—abiding with them—living with them twenty-four seven. Wow! That’s quite the lofty motivation. The verse continues with one more reason to go without:

“…that they might be an instrument in the hands of God to bring, if it were possible, their brethren, the Lamanites, to the knowledge of the truth…”

So, they also fasted because they wanted to help other people understand the true gospel the way they had come to understand it, and they knew they would need help from the Lord.

This verse was their answer to anyone who might ask them why they fasted so much.  Can you imagine giving this same answer to someone who asks you why you aren’t going to go to this or that award winning R rated movie; why you cut up all your credit cards; why you don’t snack between meals; why you refused to leave the doctor’s office with a prescription for pain meds; why there are so many channels blocked on your TV; or if you’re really going to eat that whole salad; or going to refuse just one drink, one cookie, one look?

Imagine saying, “I live this way because I am seeking the abiding presence and communication with the Holy Spirit and the power and direction to help others find and understand the truth.”

Now that’s motivation!  It’s the kind of desire that invites the enabling power of God to bless our fast, our abstinence. Whether others question why or not, and whether I ever answer aloud or not, today I know in my heart that the desire of these young men must become my desire.  Continual or what we call “back to back abstinence” is “much fasting.” The power to fast requires powerful motivation. Powerful motivation brings us to the One with the power.

Even knowing this, I sometimes lose sight of my reason for abstaining from harmful addictive substances and behaviors.  I frankly forget. I know I’m not the only one with a broken “rememberer.”  Over the years I have heard many people in relapse share that in the moment just before they “picked up,” they couldn’t think of one good reason to stay clean.

Lesser motivations seem to always be waiting in the wings. It’s so easy to slip back into being motivated by good people and pretty good things—even inspiring things—things however that are never powerful enough to inspire me toward steady day-in and day-out sober thinking and sober eating. My experience is that lesser motivations bring temporary results.

Addiction is a powerful force.  There is not an event important enough, a new outfit darling enough, the smiling approval from family members encouraging enough, or a pat on the back from my doctor affirming enough to empower me to fight off tremendous cravings, unyielding social pressure, and the temptations of the devil.

When I dedicate my abstinence, my sacrifice, to my desire to live in company with the Lord and my need for His powerful assistance, He truly does do for me what I have never been able to do for myself.  He blesses me with the ability to “fast much.” When my motives are right, my Savior responds.

So did you make some resolutions this year? Are you struggling on this midwinter day? Is your commitment to abstinence wavering? Don’t abandon your resolution. Check your motivation.

By Nannette W.

Posted Saturday, January 26, 2013

Copyright 2011 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Point of Choice – Step 11 Personal Revelation

I want to wake up early and spend time with the Lord before I spend the day with His siblings.  I’ve struggled with this desire my whole adult life.  I like the idea of “early up” when I’m “up,” but many a morning I battle against “early up” ‘because I’m “down” snuggled in my covers.  This morning my internal alarm went off just before the “early up” alarm on the dresser, the one I often ignore except for the few seconds it takes to turn it off and return to my pillow.

This time was different though—“This is the Point of Choice, Nannette”—In the haze between sleep and wake these words lit up my mind and could not be ignored—The Point of Choice.

So here I am in the wee hours of the morning with time to spend with God.  My pen, my notebook,  a little “Jenny Oaks Baker” playing ever so quietly, and my Book of Mormon and a few other things I like to study, all smiling at me like children knowing they are going to receive a little quality time today.

Point of choice—I bet there’s a point of choice when it comes to any good the Lord would have us do.  It doesn’t have to be “early up.”  Everyone doesn’t feel the call to rise at the crack of dawn, but I imagine that for all of us there is a call to do something that we have met with resistance.  The point of choice is just that moment in time when we can, if we will, choose to figuratively throw off the covers and put our feet on the floor and switch on the light.  It’s a single choice—something simple that sets in motion some good work the Lord wants to do in us and through us.  It’s the next right thing. It’s a barely measurable point in time when, with a single small act, the Lord can make the most of our time.

There must be hundreds of points of choice every day, and if well cared for these little choices bring a little more health, a little more love, a little more service, or rest, or peace of mind, a little step in the right direction in any area of life.

The Point of Choice—Something worth watching for today!

By Nannette W.  Posted Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Camouflage! Really? – Scripture Study

Friday night my daughter, who is my designated personal shopper, stopped by with the little gift I had authorized her to purchase for her little man, Carson. Tomorrow was baptism day.  We settled on the same gift I give all the “grands” after they are baptized—a cover for the scriptures they receive from their parents.

I opened the sack—“Camouflage! Really?”

“That’s all they had mom, but I know he’s going to like it.”

I was not convinced.  It seemed a little irreverent to me.

Fast forward to Saturday, late morning, post baptism brunch with the family—Carson lifts his first grown-up, black, dignified volume of scriptures from the gift bag.  “Nice!”  Then he opens the box from Grandpa and me, “Camo! Thanks! That’s just what I wanted!”

Well, it was another big score for my personal shopper, and you know, I wasn’t sold on the choice at first, but the more I think about it, maybe it’s time for us to all get camo covers for our scriptures.  Camo is rugged.  It can take the challenges of last-days living.  It doesn’t come out once a week on Sunday and go back to its spot on the shelf on Monday.  Camo is for every day.  Camo goes everywhere.

That’s exactly where the Lord wants us to take his word—everywhere! Everywhere we go He wants to go too.  Camo is for military maneuvers and in this war in Heaven come down to earth our scriptures contain all the military strategy we need to win every everyday battle.  My little “Saturday’s Warrior” Carson is going to need his scriptures to carry him not just through the nice and tidy things of life but through those experiences that are difficult and wearing and uphill both ways and too cold and too hot and windy and dusty and muddy—through every situation earth-life has to offer.  “We are as the armies of Helaman!”  A camo scripture case is probably just the thing!

By Nannette W.  Posted Friday, November 11, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The Gold Records – Scripture Study

For Christmas this year I received a new piece of technology with a retro flair. It’s a combination radio, tape player, CD player/burner, and record player. For years I’ve had a stack of records in storage, waiting for their fate to be decided. Down to the family room they came this year, just in time for the holidays. It took me way back to listen to the Christmas albums that use to announce the arrival of the season when we were kids. (Tennessee Ernie Ford, Perry Como, Julie Andrews, Barbara Streisand, and of course Bing Crosby).

I couldn’t wait to play some of the old records for my grandkids. Surprisingly to me, none of them had ever seen a record before. “Is that a giant CD Grandma?” was the comment made several times. They were all quite fascinated as they gazed down into the phonograph and watched the record go round and round.

As I enjoyed my new fangled machine it sparked my memory of some other records I’d grown up with, records that have long since gone to the Deseret Industries. Family scripture study was a Sunday morning activity for my family. This dedicated time often involved the playing of a very impressive set of beautiful Gold Records. On Sunday mornings the nine of us would gather in the living room and listen to the Book of Mormon being read through the phonograph in a beautiful and most majestic manner.

The last time I remember having anything to do with the Gold Records was as a freshman at BYU. I had taken the freshman Book of Mormon class but failed to actually read the Book of Mormon. So the day before the final I went home and got the Gold Records and brought them back to Heritage Halls. I figured that if I listened night and day I could finish before the final exam. I remember being in my dorm room and putting on the first record. My first thought was, “This will never do!” The reading certainly was still majestic but it was far too slow for my goal. “I can fix this problem,” I thought. “I’ll just turn up the speed on the record player.” For the next many hours I listened to the Book of Mormon being read in the voice akin to Alvin the Chipmunk. I’m sure I accomplished my goal, which was to be able to answer honestly to my professor that I had read The Book, but it was far from being a spiritual experience. Although I was closer to getting a descent grade, I was no closer to God when I finished than I was when I began.

I’m sure I’m not entirely unique. Like many other members of the Church I grew up with plenty of opportunities to connect with the word of God. I knew all the stories in the Old and New Testaments. My parents conducted regular Family Nights. There were four years of Seminary and four years of religion at BYU, not to mention the Gold Records, but something was definitely missing!

I vividly remember the day and the experience that set in motion a change in me, and in my desire to really connect with the word of the Lord in scripture. I had become miserable over my struggle with compulsive eating. I had been introduced to the 12 Steps as a way to come unto Christ and receive the help I so desperately needed. This way of life, this manner of living the Gospel promised to help me solve a problem that had baffled me for decades.

One Sunday I was sitting in Relief Society and my attention drifted from the teacher to the picture on the wall next to the blackboard. It was the picture of Mary and Martha, the one where Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus devouring His words to her, while Martha looks on in frustration. Thinking of Mary, I directed this thought toward Heaven. “I want to be like her Lord.” Deep inside I knew that in order to make any lasting change I needed to be like her. I needed to love the word of God more than anything or any one else. To my surprise, my divinely directed desire was greeted with a return feeling. If I were to put the feeling in word they would be, “Nannette, developing this kind of Mary-like, loving communication with the Lord is a very real possibility. The scriptures are the key”

I went to the office supply store and purchased 12-colored pencils, one for each of the 12 gospel principles represented by the steps. I took my new scriptures, the ones I had never marked, because I was afraid I might do it wrong and mess them up, and I began to color them for the steps that promised to change me. In my journal I recorded what the verses or the stories had to do with me and my life and the personal application of the 12 Steps. I did this day after day and as I did I began to change.

It doesn’t seem to matter how shiny the Gold Records are, or how majestically each verse is read, or how dressed up and leather bound our scriptures are. It doesn’t seem to matter whether we have Internet, I pod, MP3 or Palm pilot scripture capability or how many bells and whistles we have at our finger tips to help us reference and cross reference. The scriptures become new life to us only when they get inside us and wrap themselves around every aspect of our lives. The only completely reliable technology for that operation is the working of the Spirit of the Lord.

This miracle happened in my life when I became needy enough to want to devour the scriptures for myself. They finally penetrated my heart, and my life has been greatly blessed. Somehow those shiny Gold Records got inside of me, and when they did I became a different person than the girl who was satisfied to listen to the Book of Mormon at high speed for a grade.

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, March 5, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

You don’t have to be a Hinckley Scholar to use the tools of reading and writing!

I never imagined that reading and writing would become so important to me. I wasn’t an early reader and even to this day I can read faster aloud than silently. My elementary school grades in reading and spelling always remained in the B/C range. I grew up when phonics instruction was nonexistent. Instead of teaching phonics in the 1960s they used the “see it and say it” method which didn’t help my reading or my spelling. One of my hallmarks today is that I always carry a bad spellers dictionary. I was accepted to BYU on the grounds that before graduation I would take and pass a class designed for those who didn’t fare very well on the spelling portion of the ACT. I took the special class my senior year, just before graduation. I reviewed the rules that were supposed to help and took multiple tests. Before the final exam I went to my teacher and said, “Look, if you give me the words in advance I’ll memorize them and pass this class, but if the words are randomly chosen I’ll flunk and I won’t graduate.” He asked to see all my previous tests. I sat nervously as he reviewed each of them. Finally he looked up at me and said, “You are a smart bad speller. Don’t come back to class, and promise you will always carry a bad speller’s dictionary. Finally my handwriting never advanced beyond the elementary school level. I never did develop the recommended mature slant with a creative flare. My cursive to this day is straight up and down and as round as the sample alphabet running above the black board in my 5th grade classroom. Don’t worry! I did graduate.

Today reading and writing are an essential part of my recovery. I share my early struggle with these subjects as part of my witness that reading and writing are not tools of recovery reserved for the intellectually elite.

The scriptures, recovery literature, and the classics have expanded my vision and understanding of living in recovery. I’m not so concerned with the speed of my reading as I am with the quality. Reading allows me to have a glimpse into the minds of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. What do they think? It also allows me to peek into the lives of those who have done what I am endeavoring to do. How do they live and why? Through the tool of reading I have the opportunity to learn very detailed, personal, applicable things from folks I will never meet. I benefit from the experience of those who have been successful. That’s a real gift.

I find that if I am willing to write as I read I am doubly blessed. I often record in my little notebook the thoughts and feelings that come to me as I read. I am constantly asking the Lord to help me see what I can learn about myself from this event or that character. I am always taught. I’m familiar with the saying, “When the student is ready the teacher appears.” Sometimes I wonder if the very act of holding a willing pen and grabbing my notebook is a sign to Him that I am serious about receiving instruction. Writing is an essential part of my recovery. As I am prayerful and watchful of the thoughts that come to my mind, Jesus Christ, through the gift of the Hoy Ghost teaches me about myself using the language and experience of others. He helps me see myself in them. And long after the reading has been put down, if I continue to listen to my own thoughts and feelings, He often teaches me more. He seems to be ever willing to extend my learning beyond the page that stimulates the initial thoughts.

I also use the tool of writing as a lifeline and as a spot check. I write based simply on my need to talk to God in the middle of the day or night about what’s going on. When I take time to write down my thoughts, no matter how confused or frustrated I am, He always extends to me the gift of clarity. Solutions, ideas, perspectives come to me that are undeniably from above and absolutely beyond my mortal capacity. He gives me sanity. He gives me peace. He gives me vision. He allows me to see real possibilities.

Prayerfully reading inspired literature (scripture, recovery, or classical) with an ear cocked in God’s direction, a pen in my hand and a notebook on my lap brings powerful recovery. Addressing God and learning from Him and being willing to take notes on what He teaches me is my way of putting God and His word to me first in my life.

You don’t have to be a Hinckley Scholar to use the tools of reading and writing! Reading and writing are not tools reserved for the intellectually elite. They are however tools reserved for those who are willing to set the table and dine on the word of the Lord.

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, January 22, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“______ ! The Herald Angels Sing” – Step 11 – Personal Revelation

Ethan, at age five, had his own version of the traditional Christmas Carol, “Hark, The Herald Angles Sing.” I find his rendition instructive any time of year. As he could not relate in any way to the word “Hark,” he filled in with a word that rhymed and also made perfect sense to him. Ethan simply exchanged the word “Hark” for the word “Park,” For Ethan, the Christmas Carol instructions, delivered in the opening line of the song were as follows, “Park, The Herald Angels Sing!”

My thought after catching his word substitution was, “Ethan, that’s brilliant! I can’t possibly “HARK” unless I slow down and quiet down and ‘PARK!’” The word “hark” is to akin the word we are familiar with in scripture, “hearken.” It means to “listen with careful responsive attention” (Merriam Webster Dictionary)

Some days I am so busy and distracted I don’t stop long enough to connect with the quiet, simple, daily manifestations of angelic assistance. If my heart is not full of “Glory to the new born King” maybe I need to stop a while, to PARK on my knees, or with my scriptures, or my journal, in an easy chair with sweet music playing in the background and prepare to give attention to and receive the tender help of His holy angels who are round about me and sent to bear me up. (D&C 84:88) “Park! The Herald Angels Still Sing.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Likening ALL Scripture Unto Myself – It Takes Courage! – Scripture Study

One Sunday during the sacrament I prayed about what I might repent of. The answer that came to my mind was prompted directly by my Gospel Doctrine study that week. The prompting I received was that I needed to liken myself unto the “prayerless ponderers” I had just read about in 2 Nephi 32. What came to my mind was this. “Nannette, you are also guilty of too much pondering, mulling, frustrating over this and that and too little prayerful seeking of the words of Christ through the Holy Ghost to solve problems and answer your questions.” My conscience was pricked. I knew I had received truth. The Holy Ghost used ancient scripture and the sins of an ancient people to speak directly to me.

I the middle of the Gospel Doctrine lesson that followed, as the teacher rounded the corner to 2 Nephi 32, I raised my hand and shared the likening lesson I had experienced just moments before, during the Sacrament. The response was interesting. For the next 10 minutes, class members discussed the positive value of pondering. “Well, the Lord expects us to do some thinking on our own!” At last the teacher concluded and emphasized in no uncertain terms, “You know, these people Nephi was addressing were really really bad.” In other words, we couldn’t possibly liken ourselves to them.

I listened and made no further comment. I wondered though, how they might react, if they knew that in my study, I allow the Lord to teach me by likening my behavior unto a variety of scripturally imperfect mortals, like Laman, Jonah, faltering Sarah, etc. It’s worth it! It challenges! It helps me grow!

If I never see myself in the “bad guys” I will completely miss the remedy for redemption. And while I am busy patting myself on the back for not being “that bad,” those who recognize their “wickedness” are busy embracing the words of the prophets and the redemptive power of Jesus Christ for themselves. I fear for those of us who are “pretty good.” I fear that the “not that bad” will need the Savior “not that much.”

Like the little child who finds himself in trouble, we are not past playing the, “But he…” card, pointing out some greater sin in our brother or sister, ancient or modern. It makes us feel good as we place ourselves on the behavior scale and find that we score high on the chart in comparison. But what if in the end, it is not about a comparison based on behavior. What if it’s all about recognition of sin based on principles and learning to come unto Christ for redeeming power, no matter what the sin?

If a princess has only a pea-sized sin under her set of mattresses it’s still absolutely critical to recognize the thing and remove it. I think I can learn something about that process from what the prophets say to the princes and princesses attempting to rest on a foundation of boulders-sized sins.

Likening scripture is not about exact comparison. No human experience is the exact mirror of another. If that is what we are looking for we will miss some very important lessons. Here is a simple three-question method for likening all scripture unto ourselves and receiving all we can from the process:

1. What? – Prayerfully read the scripture story or account. Write about what happened, the details for story.
2. So What? – Prayerfully seek to understand and write about the principle involved.
3. What Now? – Be brave and allow the spirit to possibly convict you of your own weakness. Write about your experience. Then prayerfully receive and record the counsel you receive from the Holy Spirit and the scriptures.

I have been willing to study with an eye for my shortcomings in the light of greater understanding of the purpose of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a result of His sacrifice He has received power to change me, convert me, redeem me today. That is His work and His glory. It brings Him joy. My work is to recognize my weaknesses and bring them to the Lord. I do that by asking myself some pretty hard questions. The outcome is worth any uncomfortable recognition about myself. The outcome is relationship with the Redeemer and resulting changes in me.

We can learn from the strengths and weaknesses of Nephi or Lot, Peter or Laman, Judas or Joseph. Our Savior was willing to suffer for us all. Somehow I think that levels the playing field. We are Heaven’s family. We can ALL learn from each other as we practice likening ALL scripture unto ourselves.

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 14, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Catch a Falling Star – Scripture Study

Those of you who know me know that I love the scriptures. I don’t think there is anything more fantastic than slowly feasting on the word of the Lord, as recorded by His prophets.

I’m a slow reader. The unhurried style suits me just fine. I take time to write and think and counsel with the Lord and allow the Lord to counsel with me through the Spirit. I’m never disappointed. I’m always well fed, even if all I cover is a verse or two.

I look up words in the dictionary for greater understanding. In my ward and family I’m known for carrying around my little electronic dictionary along with my scriptures. I often search cross-references, and as I study I always record the Lord’s message to me in my journal.

This way of coming unto Christ has been a great blessing to me. It has awakened a love and appreciation of Jesus Christ and His work in my behalf, that has literally transformed my life.

I want to share an experience I had with President Hinckley’s challenge to read the Book of Mormon quickly. I say challenge because that is exactly what it was for me. One week I wrote in my journal: “President Hinckley has challenged all members of the Church to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year. To accomplish such a task I have to read six pages a day. I am doing it, but it is very frustrating! I feel like I am being asked to eat thanksgiving dinner in five minutes.”

I finally started using my Book of Mormon CDs to help me move along. One particular day, as I was listening, following along, and finishing up 2 Nephi, I was particularly amazed at the number of verses I was familiar with in my six-page reading:

“For ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ…Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ…Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ…Feast…The words of Christ will tell you all things what you should do…I glory in plainness…in truth…in my Jesus…”

These were verses I had come to love during my slow study. They were verses preciously associated with my love for Jesus. They had become beautiful to me. As they whizzed by on this particular day a new picture came into my mind.

I recalled our late-summer family trip to Yellowstone. After an evening rain, the sky cleared and we were in a privileged position to view a wonderful meteor shower. “Did you see that one! Oh, Look! That was a bright one! Wow!” We must have exchanged comments like that for an hour or more before settling in our tents.

Using this memory, just as I began to feel frustrated over not being able to catch a verse “and put it in my pocket,” the Lord reminded me that the quick read is a great opportunity to go “star gazing” in the scriptures. Now, instead of bemoaning the quick trip through God’s word, I find myself saying: “There’s another one. Wow, that was beautiful.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, September 19, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.