“Falling” Into Christmas – Step 10 – Daily Accountability

Quoting my daughter…“Sometimes I think the most constant thought in the mind of a little boy is, “What should I do next to drive my mother crazy?”

My daughter called and related the following experience to me.  She said she might call it, “Wild Boys on the Loose,” “Irresponsible Mothers,” “Christmas Tree Festival Gone Bad,” or “So There I Was…” but her first thought after it happened, after everyone in an auditorium full of Christmas Tree Charity Cheer was staring at her and her children, was “Here’s Something For Mom To Blog About.”

Today my daughter and her children went with some friends and their children to a charity event where decorated, donated Christmas trees are on display. They remain on exhibit for several days.  Each tree is sold to the highest bidder and the money goes to charity. Things were going great in the beginning. There was a band playing. The children had a great time dancing to the music. They walked up and down all the rows of trees. She reports being pretty impressed at how good the kids were about not touching things.

The moms decided the Princess Tree was the perfect opportunity to take a picture of all their daughters.  They lined all the little ladies up in front of the Disney Christmas creation. Then one of the moms suggested that they take a picture of all the little boys in front of one of the sets of three twenty foot, attached to each other, wooden, lighted trees that stood in multiple places in the hall as decorations for the festival. As the moms focused their attention on their princess daughters their royal sons started crawling in between the wooden trees. They got them to stop, line up, and smile for the camera. My daughter’s friend turned around to tell her she had gotten a very cute picture of my grandson, TJ. My daughter looked up just in time to see that the boys had resumed their play near the wooden trees. She was about to step in and break up the nonsense when catastrophe struck! Too late!

One little fellow pushed another one, who fell against the three wooden trees. Suddenly the trees began to fall down right before their eyes. She said she was amazed by the number of thoughts she could have in the 5 seconds it took her to get over to the trees. She said that the whole thing felt like it was in slow motion.  Her first thought was, “Those trees really aren’t going to fall are they?” She pushed her friend aside and they both ran toward the disaster in progress.  In desperation she thought about running behind the scene but rethought and was glad she hadn’t!  The three wooden twenty-foot trees would have fallen on her.   In the end all they could really do was watch them crash to the ground!

She stood there shocked over what had transpired, with complete embarrassment as the crowds turned and looked on, but feeling much gratitude that no one had been hurt and that there had been no domino effect on the other trees in the building.

Finally she addressed her two-year-old son. “TJ, tell me what happened.”

“I pushed Mowoni ( Moroni ), Mowoni pushed the twees (trees), and the twees fall down.”

As my daughter finished sharing this incident with me Step 10 came to mind—“Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” I don’t know what it is about the Thanksgiving/Christmas season, but I seem to have more than average opportunity to practice this step at this time of year.  Maybe it has something to do with high expectations, too little money, long to-do lists, hurry, hurry, and more social gatherings than my calendar can handle.  My daughter’s experience caused me to think about the obvious nature of most of my own wrong doings.  Like crashing twenty-foot Christmas trees, my daily errors are not usually hidden out of sight or wrapped in “who’s to blame” confusion.  This season I want to stay ahead of the game and be like TJ.  When “the twee falls down” my confession should be immediate, simple, honest, and without excuse.

By Nannette W.

Posted Friday, November 28, 2008

From Nannette’s Christmas Archives Re-posted December 19, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sen

Potato Peels Are Just The Beginning – Steps 4-10

Who knew a few potato trimmings could cause such trauma in the kitchen! The day of rest turned into the day of the big mess with just a flick of the disposal switch. With chicken gravy on the stove and the taters my daughter had cleaned and seasoned baking in the oven, Sunday dinner looked like it was going to be a great success. I glanced into the sink as I passed by and noticed a few potato trimmings way down in the disposal. “Oh, it doesn’t look like there’s much there. I bet it will go down the drain just fine,” I said to myself as I flipped the disposal switch. I had an immediate second thought about my decision, but it was too late. Within seconds I knew I had created a giant problem. “Why oh why hadn’t I just reached down and pulled those scraps out and put them into the trash?”

My husband walked through the kitchen just as water with hundreds of little tiny potato peelings began welling up on one side of the double sink. The memory of the Sunday I put brown rice down the drain came to my mind. My husband just shook his head. He was silent, but “here we go again” was written all over his face. “Don’t you worry!” I assured him and invited him to leave the kitchen. I grabbed the plunger, ran the water and the disposal and plunged for all I was worth. Nothing! “Maybe if I just let it sit for a while something will break through,” I thought as I worked toward dinner. I could see that I was getting nowhere.

Eventually my husband and my son-in-law got into it. We did all the things people do. We ran more and more water. We ran the disposal again and again and of course, we plunged and plunged. We stopped up the disposal side of the sink to create some resistance and plunged and plunged some more. Nothing!

We used a pail and got all the water out of the sink, disinfected the area around the sink and sat down to Sunday dinner. We took a short break and for thirty minutes and we all pretended there was no problem. I sat and visited and ate and hoped that something miraculous was going on down in those pipes.

I won’t bore you or disgust you with all the details of the next two days. Suffice it to say that today our sink works. No small thing. One husband, one son-in-law, one neighbor, two plumbers and a lot of money later, the water flows freely.

I’ve learned a thing or two about our plumbing. A little disposal worth of potato peals can a very large mess make if those peals are trying to get down a small already mucked up pipe. The plumber says that once a month we should fill the sink with water, turn on the disposal and run water through the line to keep the pipes cleaned out!

This little experience with a plugged up pipe in the house made me think of the brilliance of Steps 4-10. I am like that pipe! Many of us come to apply the 12 Steps because in some aspect of our lives we are stuck. We can’t move forward and it isn’t for lack of trying. We are aware of many of our imperfections. Most of us have done some confessing. We’ve told God we wish we were making greater progress. We’ve said we were sorry and asked for forgiveness on several occasions, and we try not to go to bed angry. But we are still stuck.

When I first read through the 12 Steps I thought to myself, “Well, I kind of like the first three and the last three, but I’m not doing the ones in the middle. The following are the Gospel principles represented by the middle Steps:

Step 4 “Truth”
Step 5 “Confession”
Step 6 “Change of heart”
Step 7 “Humility”
Step 8 “Seeking forgiveness”
Step 9 “Restitution and Reconciliation”
Step 10 “Daily Accountability”

Today I see that not being willing to take those steps thoroughly and dabbling about with repentance is like using a plunger on a plugged up drain that is ultimately going to require a fifty-foot plumbing snake and daily maintenance.

The fellow that unplugged the sink was finally able to get to the root of the problem. Tuesday morning I woke up to a sink where the water could run freely, something I won’t take for granted again.

That’s the purpose of Steps 4-10 too. As I do the work required I discover a kind of water that runs more freely in me too. It’s the “Living Water”, the life changing water the Lord promised to that ancient “Woman at the Well” in John 4:10.

Now I truly don’t mean to offend by comparing our emotional and spiritual inner workings to the plumbing in my house. I know it’s not a very pretty picture, but it’s a picture the Spirit used to get my attention.

As it turns out, the potato peels were not the real culprit. The real problem was a pipe with years and years of build up that had to be cleaned out. It’s the same with our personal cleansing. Eventually, if we want to get unstuck we have to surrender to the process that promises to clean out the years and years of accumulation and free us to move forward.

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel – Steps 10, 11, and 12 The Maintenance Steps

Sunday I attended church with my children and their children. The service closed and before Carson could run off (I mean walk reverently) to Primary I grabbed him and gave him a big hug and asked him how he had enjoyed the Saturday excursion with his family to the zoo.

He reported that it had been fine and fun, “except for the part where I was walking through the prairie dog tunnel and I saw the light and thought I was out of the tunnel and stood up and hit my head on the top of the tunnel!”

Carson ran off to Primary. I thought about how many times in my journey through life I’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel and thought I’d arrived. And what do I get for my anxious desire to be completely out of the dark? I get a bump on the head and a big reminder that the light I can see up ahead in this tunnel called “mortality” is God’s encouraging invitation for me to press forward in the dark, not a sign that I’ve arrived!

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, May 18, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

10th Step Symptoms – It’s Not Rocket Science

Madeline, age five, was outside trimming leaves off the bushes with her little friends. They were within view of their mommies and were being allowed to use the kid scissors. One of the adults looking on saw Maddie open the scissors up and place them as though she was about to give herself a new and quite extreme hairdo. Before Maddie had a chance to take action on her long blond wavy locks the adult onlooker called out to Maddie’s mom. Maddie was immediately corrected. She took the scissors down from her hair, rolled her eyes as if to say, “just kidding mom” and went on playing.

One night, about five days later, after being put to bed Maddie wandered into her mommy’s room. She announced herself by saying, “We need to talk about something Mom.”

Her weary mother replied, “What do we need to talk about Maddie?”

“Well, I really was going to cut my hair that day and I’m feeling really bad about it in my heart and I can’t stop thinking about it in my head.”

Step 10 challenges us to, “Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it.” Sometimes at the end of the day I’m not exactly sure what things need to be set right or what amends need to be made. Madeline’s words to her mother are instructive to me. It’s not rocket science. There are signs or symptoms that 10th Step work needs to be done. A symptom is, an indication, evidence, or a sign (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

All we really need to do each day is ask ourselves this question. “Is there anything that, ‘I’m feeling really bad about in my heart and I can’t stop thinking about in my head?’”
If so we can be assured that it is the work of the Holy Spirit. His work is to signal or reveal to us, in our minds and in our hearts our need to take care of business.

Thanks for being my teacher Madeline! You are five and this year I’ll be fifty-five. The only thing I can contribute to what you taught me is that neither of us has to go five days feeling bad in our heart and bothered in our mind. We can take a daily look at just what’s going on and then take immediate action.

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, March 9, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Go Ahead and Wave Back, What Can It Hurt! – The Unanticipated Blessings of Taking Step 10

One of the great results of taking the first nine steps is our increased desire to care for our relationships with other people, today. We don’t want to let our wrongs, big or little, pile up again, and so we take care of them daily. Step 10 is about daily accountability. It says, “Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.”

The challenge to be accountable for our actions toward others, in twenty-four hour increments, affects more than our taking stock and taking action every evening. Our desire is to do some damage control along the way. The need to clean things up at the end of the day tends to make us more careful as we live the day. It actually makes a positive difference in every interaction we have along the way.

We find ourselves striving to keep our slate clean or to clean it as we go; seeking to understand as well as to be understood; striving to be honest and kind at the same time. We find ourselves wanting to contribute to the peace of this world, not wanting to make more messes or make messes worse.

This week I was reminded of one other tendency that seems to reduce the number of necessary daily amends. Sunday during our church service I sat next to my grandson, Jack. He was having a rather difficult time lasting through the meetings. His happiest moments were during the singing of the hymns. He brightened up, stopped squirming and fussing, and watched the chorister. She waved in time and he waved to her. My daughter whispered in my ear, “He thinks she’s being friendly and waving to him. He loves it and spends the whole song waving back.”

Immediately I recognized this scene as the illustration of another tendency we adopt after taking the first nine steps. Watching Jack find great joy in assuming he was being waved at reminded me that in anticipation of taking Step 10 we find ourselves simply wanting to assume the best about other people

In doing so we run the risk of looking as naive as my baby grandson, who thinks the Sacrament Meeting chorister is the friendliest person in the ward. Who knows, maybe she is! Assuming the best is rarely a liability and it keeps our list of daily amends on the short side. Just like Jack, I think I’m going to wave back!

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The “Sick Coat” – Maintaining What We Have Obtained – Steps 10-12

If you grew up with me and happened to have the flue, a fever, the measles, the mumps, or an earache you were given some very special attention in the form of two items of clothing. First, the earache hat, a little homemade flannel bonnet mom placed on our heads if we were suffering the pain of an ear infection. It helped us feel cozy. It felt like a little bonnet of loving care tied securely with a bow under the chin. It also secured the soothing warm drops of oil my mother placed in the effected ear using a little teaspoon and the bit of cotton in the tender ear.

The other piece of clothing we affectionately refer to as “the sick coat.” This was a little jacket with a Hawaiian print on the outside and a terrycloth lining. If one of us was feeling under the weather we got to wear the “sick coat.” Like the earache hat, the little jacket felt like instant tender loving care. I was the first child married with children of my own and I inherited both these treasures and carried on the tradition. As a mother I could see that the wearing of the “sick coat” sent more than a message of love. It was a sign to my child that he or she was in a condition where extra care was needed. It helped them resist the temptation to declare themselves “all better” too early.

It requires a great deal of tender care to continue to make progress in our spiritual health. It’s so tempting, especially when we begin to feel a little better, to stop taking care of ourselves spiritually and physically the way we need to. When I neglect my spiritual and physical care, just like the child who goes out to play too soon, my old symptoms return. The memory of the “sick coat” comes to my mind. In a sense living in recovery requires me to put on such a little jacket every day of my life. It reminds me that I am loved and it helps me remain aware that I am in a vulnerable condition diagnosed as mortality, where continuous care is needed.

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Falling” Into Christmas – Step 10 – Daily Accountability

My daughter called and related the following experience to me. She said she could call it, “Wild Boys on the Loose,” “Irresponsible Mothers,” “Christmas Tree Festival Gone Bad,” or “So There I Was…” but her first thought after it happened, after everyone in an auditorium full of Christmas Tree Charity Cheer was staring at her and her children, was “Here’s Something For Mom To Blog About.”

Quoting my daughter…“Sometimes I think the most constant thought in the mind of a little boy is, “What should I do next to drive my mother crazy? Well today my children and I went with some friends and their children to a charity event where decorated, donated Christmas trees are on display. They remain on exhibit for several days. Each tree is sold to the highest bidder and the money goes to charity. Things were going great in the beginning. There was a band playing. The children had a great time dancing to the music. We walked up and down all the rows of trees. I was pretty impressed at how good the kids were about not touching things.”

“We decided the Princess Tree was the perfect opportunity to take a picture of all our little girls. We lined all our princesses up in front of the Disney creation. Then one of the moms suggested we take a picture of all the little boys in front of one of the sets of three twenty foot, attached, wooden, lighted trees that stood in multiple places in the hall as decoration for the festival. While our attention was focused on the girls the little boys started crawling in between the wooden trees. We got them to stop, line up, and smile for the camera. My friend turned around to tell me she got a very cute picture of my son, TJ. I looked up just in time to see that the boys had resumed their play near the wooden trees. I was about to step in and break up the nonsense when catastrophe struck! Too late! One of the little fellows pushed another one, who fell against the three wooden trees. Suddenly the trees began to fall down right before my eyes. I was amazed by the number of thoughts I could have in the 5 seconds it took me to get over to the trees. The whole thing felt like it was in slow motion. My first thought was, “Those trees really aren’t going to fall are they?” I pushed my friend aside and we both ran toward the disaster in progress. I thought about running behind the scene. I’m glad I rethought! The three wooden twenty-foot trees would have squished me. In the end all we could really do was watch them fall.”

“I stood there shocked over what had transpired, with complete embarrassment as the crowds turned and looked on, but feeling much gratitude that no one had been hurt and that there had been no domino effect on the other trees in the building.

Finally I addressed my two-year-old son. “TJ tell me what happened.”
“I pushed Mowoni ( Moroni ), Mowoni pushed the twees (trees), and the twees fall down.”

I don’t know what it is about the Thanksgiving/Christmas Season, but I seem to have more than average opportunity to practice Step 10, which is to, “Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” Maybe it has something to do with high expectations, too little money, long to-do lists, hurry hurry, and more social gatherings than my calendar can handle. My daughter’s experience brought to my mind the very obvious nature of most of my own wrong doings. Like crashing twenty-foot Christmas trees, my daily errors are not usually hidden out of sight or wrapped in “whose to blame” confusion. This season I want to stay ahead of the game and be like TJ. When “the twees falls down” my confession should be immediate, simple, honest, and without excuse.

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, November 28, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Only Us Are Going To Watch Ourselves!” – Step 10 Daily Accountability

As I was raising my children I involved them in lots of extra curricular, after school activities…dance, piano, violin, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, swimming, karate, band, and choir. You name it; someone tried it! Depending on the situation I accompanied them and listened and watched, or I dropped them off and picked them up after the practice, lesson or rehearsal. Sometimes as an observing parent I was allowed right in the room where the children were being instructed. Other times I looked on through a one-way window. Most often though, the return home conversation was the only connection I had with how things had gone during the activity, because parents were not invited to the class/practice. The reasoning was that learning requires the child’s focus. I must admit that a row of chitchatting mothers on the sidelines or younger siblings who can’t wait to run out onto the floor or court or into the studio does not facilitate focus and learning. It definitely presents a challenge for the young aspiring dancer, musician, or star of the game.

My daughters are now in the throws of after school activities. I was interviewing one of their little girls one morning about her plans for the day. She informed me that today was dancing day. She was quick to make sure I knew that I was NOT invited to observe. Apparently this was not parent visiting day and it was not the day of the final recital. She made this clear with these words, “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!”

As she ran out of the room to put on her leotard, tights and little pink dance skirt her words echoed in my mind. “Grandma, only us are going to watch ourselves!” That’s a pretty important thing to learn to do in life. It’s such a temptation to focus on things that distract us from learning from our own experience. In Step 10 we are challenged to: “Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it.” In order for me to take this step I have to focus. I have to be self-observant. Sometimes I have to tune out the noisy world around me. Sometimes I have to ignore the cheers and the criticism from the sidelines and imagine that I am alone with my Teacher. Daily life is not a performance; it’s a lesson, a class, a rehearsal, a practice. There are great things to be learned today if I am brave enough to say to the world, “Today ‘only us are going to watch ourselves!’”

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 20, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“What Was I Thinking?” – Step 10

In the 5th grade I was given the honorable responsibility of being an official “Bathroom Monitor.” Another girl in my class, Cathy, and I were in charge of “making” all the other girls in the school take good care of the bathroom during lunch. After the school bell rang, indicating that lunch was over and it was time for everyone to return to class, Cathy and I got to stay in the bathroom and make sure that everything was nice and tidy. It was quite the “groovy thing” to have a responsibility that allowed you to walk into class late, with permission.

One day after the bell rang and the bathroom cleared we tidied things up and were about to return to class when my friend said, “Nannette, do you want to see something really cool.” She proceeded to show me how fun it was to make wet wadded up paper towels and throw them at the ceiling of the bathroom. They stuck every time! I must have agreed that it was really fun because for the next few minutes we wadded up paper towels, one after the other, and tossed them at the ceiling and laughed and laughed. Finally we both determined that it was time to return from our honorable position, to class.

When we entered the room the class was involved in something quiet. I don’t remember what. I only remember the silence as the principle of the school cracked the door open just wide enough to beckon my friend Cathy to join her in the hall. Not a minute went by before the door to the silent room opened again and the principle’s eyes fell on me. As her index finger swung back and forth I arose out of my seat and headed for the door. The next few minutes were the first and last I ever spent in her office. She asked us what on earth we might have been thinking. She reminded us of our responsibility as the older children in the school. She told us that if anything like this ever happened again she would be forced to call each of our parents. I don’t remember if we still got to be the “Bathroom Monitors.” I do remember that she had us go get the long wooden poll that was usually used to open and close the little skinny windows, or transoms, in our classrooms. These windows ran all along one wall, way up high next to the ceiling. On the end of the poll was a hook, just perfect for reaching up and knocking down the now dry paper towels staring down on us from the bathroom ceiling.

What an afternoon. I only recently told my mother. We had a good laugh. Whenever I do something and the wrongness of my actions takes me by complete surprise I think of this little experience. I don’t know where my head was, but I had absolutely no feeling of guilt. It just didn’t seem like any kind of a problem while I was “wadding, wetting, and throwing!” Where was my conscience? I don’t know!

I do know that this was not the last time I unknowingly committed a wrong. At the end of each day I review my actions in the spirit of Step 10, which says to, “Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” If I do so with humility and the desire to be thorough, sometimes I can almost see the door of another classroom open and I catch the loving eye of the Lord. With no coercion, only an invitation, He bids me to allow Him to help me recognize, admit, and make amends for misdeeds I would have completely missed if left to myself. I testify that He is the Savior for all of those, “What was I thinking?” moments in life!

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 6, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.