Courage to Pedal Home

It was a summer Saturday morning when I decided last minute to run for the Mother of the Year—well not exactly run—but bike.  After breakfast, it dawned on me that just down the hill my oldest son was participating in a triathlon.  With the duel motivation of giving motherly support and also getting a bit of “middle age exercise” it struck me that I could kill two birds with one stone.  I quickly threw on my helmet and sunglasses and headed down hill (my personal favorite angle).  I arrived at the course just in time to see the first competitors speed by. I got off my bike, lifted it onto the sidewalk, put the kickstand down (the one I chose to have installed because I am of course a middle age biker).  Then I waited with anticipation for my son to pass by so I could give him all the “That’s my boy!” motherly hurrah possible.

My greatest fear was that I might miss him altogether, so I kept my eyes peeled for a black, white, and red bike and helmet and green and black biker clothes.  They all looked so good, so prepared, and so official and dressed for the event.  I must admit a few other “tri-guys” benefited from my motherly enthusiasm, my nearsightedness,and my anxiety over the possibility that I might sneeze or blink at just the wrong moment and miss my son.  When he whizzed by I was all warmed up.  He actually saw me first—wouldn’t you know it!

“Hey mom!”

“Good job “bud!”

“Well that was fun but brief,” I thought.  Knowing this was the first of three laps I decided to double the pleasure and not retire from my cheerleading career quite yet.  I’d wait for the next round and give him one more inspirational shout of encouragement!  But what about my own workout for the day?  What about my cardio vascular condition? Perhaps while I waited for my son to fly past again I should be getting a little exercise myself. I decided to cling to the other side of the neighborhood road/race track and pedal upstream for a while. I tootled down the road slowly, passing one racer after another and within about 10 minutes my triathlon favorite passed by.  I delivered my second cheer.

“Well it’s time to head home,” I said to myself.  But with that thought came the realization that the only road home was the one I was on and that I was not going to get there by hugging the curb and going against traffic.  I would have to turn around.  I would have to pedal with real racers—those folks who had paid the entry fee and trained for this event.  Wearing my “not recommended for biking” baggy capris, I was going to have to turn the humble mountain bike my children had given me for my 50^th birthday around and merge into the official traffic.

Frankly, I was embarrassed.  In fact I was mortified.  People would be able to tell I didn’t belong.  No road bike!  No speed! No padded biker shorts!  No official number—and you’ve got to have that to ride with this crowd!!!  Someone is going to ask me why I don’t have a big black number safety pinned to my back or printed in bold with magic-marker on my calves!!!

Well, notwithstanding my self-conscious distress I wheeled myself about and with as much bravado as I could muster, I pushed off and started flying with the flock.  I tell you that it was not 20 seconds before someone did say something—something I never would have imagined.  From behind and a bit to my right a man called out, “Hey, you can do this!”

“What?”  I thought.  “Is he talking to me?”

Not more than a minute later another fellow looked right at me as he pedaled past and said, “Good job!  You’re doing it!”

“Are you kidding me!?!”  I thought.  Can’t these people see that I’m not one of them?

As I cruised through a neighborhood and just before I found my way out of the race there was a little girl standing on the sidewalk watching the parade of racers.  As I passed by she squealed out, “Keep going!”

I took a left turn onto a side street, headed toward the highway, and on up the hill. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my lips or off my heart.

“That has got to be one of the funniest things that’s ever happened to me.  What was wrong with those people?  Couldn’t they tell I was an outsider? Couldn’t they see I didn’t belong?”

Apparently not!  Or maybe that wasn’t it at all.  Maybe it didn’t matter to them.  Hmmm…

As I pumped my way slowly back up the hill the Lord took advantage of the time it took.  My thoughts ran something like this:

Nannette, the way you felt about turning around on the road and joining the “real” racers is similar to what so many individuals feel who have left the path—My Path. The fear of being obvious, of being judged and rejected is acute when faced with the realization that the only way Home is to turn around and get in the race.  Where is your white shirt; your temple recommend; your temple marriage?  Where have you been?  What happened to you?  You served your mission where—in jail; in rehab; in the doghouse?  Please exit at the next orange cone!  That’s the expectation.

The gospel or good news is that once we become humbly honest about our need to change direction, willing to accept the consequences, face ourselves toward Home and start pedaling, most of us are astounded by the unexpected support we receive. The men and women who cheered me on didn’t waste their energy wondering where I’d been before my courageous turnaround.  They were on their own trail, and as they worked hard to keep themselves going they were filled with enthusiasm for others—even me!

That’s the way it is in real life too.  So if you’ve been wrestling with the fear of turning around and pedaling toward Home, I say do it!  Do it today!  You’ll be pleasantly surprised.  Truth be told in some aspect or another, at one time or another, everyone on the path heading Home has made the courageous choice to turn around and race with the racers.  They become the greatest of all cheerleaders because they know how terrifying it can be to pivot and pedal down the strait and narrow like you belong.  In time you too will become a champion to other self-conscious travelers.  So, practice today as you pass the nervous looking slow-goers. Shout, applaud, urge, encourage, give hope, and bring a smile to the lips of someone willing to make a humble about-face.  “Hey you can to this!  Good job!  Keep going!”

By Nannette W.

Posted Thursday, September 20, 2012

Copyright 2011 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Christmas Eve Instruction on Finding the Perfect Gift – Perfectionism and Step 1-3

If I wasn’t “finishing up” at Target or All-A-Dollar or Kmart at 5:45 on Christmas Eve, I guess the season wouldn’t be quite the same.  On December 24, 2002 I was given the following insight.  It has made a difference in every Christmas Eve thereafter.

Exhausted and touching on frantic, I completed my Christmas buying that year by going to three stores just as the 24^th sun of December was setting, trying to find that perfect, within my budget, healthy (at the request of the children) stuff to stuff in the…(well you know).  First, I flew in and out of some store with the word dollar in the name but obviously not geared for the authentic “I’ve got no money left” shopper!  Then it was on to The Dollar Store with a big finish at Kmart.

I miraculously ended the Christmas shopping within budget, but as I pulled into the garage I had a sinking feeling that what I had purchased was just not right at all.  I entered the kitchen, helloed everyone, turned on the Christmas music and declared that the holiday could now begin.  I noticed my daughters had removed the unfinished chicken, thankfully, from the crock-pot and put it into the ever-faithful oven “in hopes that the dinner soon would be there.”  (Is that a line from a famous Christmas poem?)

As I stood at the sink working toward perfection in the kitchen, I pondered, as I often do while cycling the dishes.  “Just why, Nannette, why is gift giving so completely unsettling to you? Why do you put off the thinking of, looking for, purchasing, wrapping and giving of gifts?  Why are you so “anxietous” (a family word) over every phase of this activity?  I’ll tell you why,” spoke the Messenger to my mind.  “It’s because you always want to give the perfect gift, isn’t it?  You want it to be just the right thing and there is never enough time or money or creativity or understanding to pull it off.  That’s it, isn’t it?”

Then came the instruction.  “Nannette, there is only one perfect gift and it will not matter how early you line up at Shopko the day after Thanksgiving or whether or not you have a wheel barrow full of money with which to fight off the crowds and pay at the register.  You will not be able to buy it.

Your Heavenly Father already conceived of it and His firstborn and only begotten Son already volunteered to be it and it has been offered to every one on your Christmas list!  So let go of the notion of reinventing the magnificent and allow your humble giving of the less than perfect to be a perfect reminder.  Let it bring to your philanthropic heart and near empty hands the testimony that His gift is The Gift that makes up for all lesser offerings.  There is no other gift beside Him.  Allow the contrast to be a symbol of your humble station and His abundant, priceless, perfect present.

By Nannette W.

Posted Wednesday, December 24, 2008

From Nannette’s Christmas Archives Re-posted Saturday, December 24, 2011

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit.  This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Surprise! Life IS Unmanageable!” Step 1

Step 1 challenges me to see that my life “has become unmanageable.” I actually find it helpful to acknowledge that my life IS and has always been unmanageable. No matter how hard I try to keep all my ducks in a row, sometime during the day they all go waddling off in strange unpredictable directions. The fascinating thing is that I’m always so shocked. “Things are not going as I have outlined! What’s going on here?” I ask myself in dismay. Then I make a firmer resolve and I get up the next morning and try keeping it all together again. There is nothing more plain, that I resist with more gusto, than the fact that life IS basically unmanageable.

This truth is right before our eyes from the get go. Last week I took a look around at the Grand-kids. Gracie had a big bruise on her forehead from running into something she hadn’t counted on. Ethan had road rash on his arm from a unpredictable scooter crash, and one-year-old Matthew decided to give Esther a surprise bonk on the head to commemorate her first birthday.

There are surprises around every corner. Things are not going to go as planned. One key to a happy day is to resist the temptation to take all the surprises personally. No one is out to get me. It’s the nature of life. Today I make a prayerful plan with a pencil, and that pencil has an eraser on it for good reason. God’s not just watching for my commitment and dedication. He’s helping me learn to roll with the punches. He does that by allowing for plenty of surprises. Surprises make life rich. They keep it fresh and interesting.

Yesterday Matthew was playing with a large wooden maraca he’d gotten out of my box of musical instruments from the toy closet. I picked him up to give him a little love and before I knew it he’d wound up and whacked me on the head. It wasn’t personal. It was just a “Surprise Grandma!”

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, July 25, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“I Know Because My Mother Tried” – Step 1 Honesty

Tonight my daughter and I were having the usual, “How was your day?” exchange over the telephone. I told her my day was great and then I added my predictable un-recovered, perfectionist addendum, some comment about something I hadn’t accomplished. She replied musically, using a phrase from a Michael McLean song, only her version had a little twist. The actual words are, “I can’t do everything. I know because I’ve tried …” My daughters words were, “I can’t do everything. I know because my mother tried.”

That made me smile. There are things about me, ways I’ve behave toward life that I don’t want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. Because I work on recovery in the open, in front of my family, they are aware of my weaknesses. That’s OK. There is obvious value when parents pass down righteous traditions. There is also tremendous merit in humbly demonstrating to those we love that we are aware of and desire to address our weaknesses. There are things about our characters that we are not proud of, and things we do not wish to pass down through the generations. Perhaps the most righteous tradition we can pass down to our children has to do with the way we address our own unrighteousness. Jesus gives us the following understanding:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

If I practice, in the open, in front of my family, coming unto Christ, in my weakness, and work toward becoming perfected in Him, through Him, and because of Him, perhaps the promise found in Ether 12:27 will not only bless me but my loved ones as well. Maybe my weakness, well addressed, will become their strength! Maybe there are things my kids will know “because their mother tried.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, March 20, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

The Foundation of All Aftercare – Step 1

Last year I accompanied my nephew, Jonathan, to the hospital and waited while he had surgery on the collarbone he broke playing Ultimate Frisbee the first week of the new semester at the university. When the surgery was complete the doctor came in, showed me the x-ray of his mended bone, which was now full of tiny little screws. Ouch! Then he chatted with me about the particulars of his recovery from surgery, his aftercare plan. He gave me detailed information and instructions. While recovering it was important for Jonathan to take seriously the reality of what his body had undergone and the healing that needed to take place.

As the doctor walked out of the room I had some time to think before they released my nephew from the recovery room. While I waited I thought about my own recovery and my own need for aftercare. So often in support meetings I hear people say they are back on Step 1. For me it’s still important to take Step 1 every day and sometimes multiple times a day. Even after 20 years of working to apply the 12 Steps and 97 pounds of recovery from compulsive eating I have to stay in tune with the correct answer to this question. By whose direction and power do you remain in recovery? It’s true that admitting our own powerlessness is the first step we take, but its also true that acknowledging my humble need for divine help continues to be critical to my aftercare.

It is good to remember that I am powerless. It’s OK to feel like I’m at risk, like my recovery isn’t all sewn up, like it’s tender and new, like I’m vulnerable. These feelings help me take seriously the reality of what I have undergone and the healing that needs to take place and continue to take place. These feelings keep me suiting up and showing up, and participating in all the activities that not only speed my progress along but also strengthen and deepen my recovery for the long haul.

I hope I always remember that I’m at risk. When I am in that frame of mind I am more likely to take Peter’s advise: “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). When I keep in mind that I am in a state of recovering, that I need to heal, and that my condition is fragile I feel the greatest need and willingness to surrender my care to the Primary Care Physician, Jesus Christ.

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, January 25, 2009

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W.
All rights reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Christmas Eve Instruction on Finding the Perfect Gift – Step 1, 2, 3, and Perfectionism

If I wasn’t “finishing up” at Target or All-A-Dollar or Kmart at 5:45 on Christmas Eve I guess the season wouldn’t be quite the same. One December 24, 2002 I was given the following insight. It has made a difference in every Christmas Eve thereafter.

Exhausted and touching on frantic, I completed my Christmas buying that year by going to three stores just as the 24th sun of December was setting, trying to find that perfect, within my budget, healthy (at the request of the children) stuff to stuff in the…(well you know). First, I flew in and out of some store with the word dollar in the name but obviously not geared for the authentic “I’ve got no money left” shopper! Then it was on to The Dollar Store with a big finish at Kmart.

I miraculously ended the Christmas shopping within budget, but as I pulled into the garage I had a sinking feeling that what I had purchased was just not right at all. I entered the kitchen, helloed everyone, turned on the Christmas music and declared that the Holiday could now begin. I noticed my daughters had removed the unfinished chicken, thankfully, from the crock-pot and put it into the ever-faithful oven “in hopes that the dinner soon would be there.” (Is that a line from a famous Christmas poem?)

As I stood at the sink working toward perfection in the kitchen, I pondered as I often do while cycling the dishes. “Just why Nannette, why is gift giving so completely unsettling to you? Why do you put off the thinking of, looking for, purchasing, wrapping and giving of gifts? Why are you so “anxietous” (a family word) over every phase of this activity? I’ll tell you why,” spoke the Messenger to my mind. “It’s because you always want to give the perfect gift, isn’t it. You want it to be just the right thing and there is never enough time or money or creativity or understanding to pull it off. That’s it, isn’t it?”

Then came the instruction. “Nannette, there is only one perfect gift and it will not matter how early you line up at Shopko the day after Thanksgiving or whether or not you have a wheel barrow full of money with which to fight off the crowds and pay at the register. You will not be able to buy it.

Your Heavenly Father already conceived of it and His first born and only begotten Son already volunteered to be it and it has been offered to every one on your Christmas list! So let go of the notion of reinventing the magnificent and allow your humble giving of the less than perfect to be a perfect reminder. Let it bring to your philanthropic heart and near empty hands the testimony that His gift is The Gift that makes up for all lesser offerings. There is no other gift beside Him. Allow the contrast to be a symbol of your humble station and His abundant, priceless, perfect present.

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

His “Master-piece!” Steps 1,2, and 3

Outside my fifth grade classroom door, in the hall, there was a glass case on the wall dedicated to showing off exceptional work from students in our room. Every Friday afternoon was devoted to “art” and after our projects were completed the very best were selected, placed in the glass case, and displayed before the entire student body. I don’t remember feeling one way or another about my apparent lack of talent until the end of my fifth grade year.

It was Friday afternoon. We had just finished a still life painting of a pot of flowers. The bell was about the ring when the teacher asked this question. “Which of you have not had a piece of art displayed in the hall this year. Five mortified ten year olds raised their hands. I was one of them. “I would like each of you to call home and tell your parents you will be staying after school to work on your art.”

There I sat at my little desk staring down at the Friday afternoon art project I thought I had finished. Apparently my attempt at capturing the pot of flowers in “still life,” on paper was not acceptable. I kept hoping that my teacher would bring me a clean piece of paper and that I could start fresh, but this was not her plan. For at least an hour I worked over my painting, trying to please my teacher and somehow make my picture worthy to be hung in the hall. The more I painted the worse it got. As the reds and yellows turned to brown I applied more paint hoping to cover up the mess. I worked so long that even the “mat,” which is the top layer of special art paper, started to lift. To my total dismay, mixed in with my paint were little balls of paper. I was half relieved and half mortified when the teacher finally announced that our opportunity to improve our picture was over and that we would find these pictures in the classroom display case on Monday morning. This experience definitely solidified my decision not to continue any further elective study of art. It also created an indelible memory of my seemingly insensitive teacher.

Although memories of the past interactions with grownups (teachers, parents, bosses, ecclesiastical leaders etc.) do not always represent the truth they can sometimes influence our current perceptions of those in authority. Sometimes our past experience affects the way we view God.

The first key to making progress in the area of need that brought us to a 12 Step application of Gospel principles is honesty about our inability to make lasting progress on our own. The second key is to develop hope that God can and will help us. Many of us grew up believing that God would help us with only certain kinds of things. I was of the understanding (or misunderstanding) that like my fifth grade teacher, He was surely disappointed in me, not as an artist of course, but as a person, and that He expected me to clean up and clear up all messes of my own making. Obviously this belief would never lead me to take my struggle with compulsive/addictive behavior to Heavenly Father and to His Son. My perception was that they would help me with “good girl” problems, like having and earache, loosing my keys, or remembering something I had spent hours learning. On the other hand, those struggles that represented my weaknesses or out right sins were up to me to take care of. I was to fix myself so I would be worthy of their love and acceptance.

Like the ten year who old worked over that painted pot of flowers, watching the beautiful colors turn more brown with every stroke, seeing it go from bad to worse until the paper nearly came apart, I worked on my self destructive behaviors until my heart for “self” improvement was broken. There were two options set before me. I could give up, or I could experiment with the idea that God is all loving, all knowing, and all-powerful and that His desire is to extend to me all the love, direction, and power necessary to clean up all messes of my own making.

I chose to practice believing in this very personal loving powerful God and to keep my eyes open for evidence of the reality of such a Being. Today I can testify of His reality. He does not resemble my fifth grade teacher (or my perception of her), bless her soul. He was willing to sacrifice His life for my success.

If we allow Jesus Christ to be the Master, He has all the paper, paint, and patience it will take to help us produce a Masterpiece! A “Master-piece” is anything we are able to do or create or become through the enabling power of our Master. And in the end we will find that His work and glory has been to make you and I His “Master-piece!”

By Nannette W.
Posted, Thursday, December 11, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved. Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

“Shhh! Don’t Tell!” – Step 1, 2, 3

If I had to sum up in one word the name of the miracle that people everywhere are experiencing because they’re applying the 12 Steps to their lives, the word would be “grace.” It is the fundamental doctrine that underlies the entire process of recovery. Grace is the enabling power available to all of us because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As we come unto Christ we are able, through His grace, to maintain a good work we would not be able to maintain on our own (See Bible Dictionary). One day in the middle of my home school years and soon after starting to apply the 12 Steps to my own life I was wondering why as parents and leaders, we sometimes fail to teach our children the concept of “grace.”

This scenario came to my mind. The parents of a fifteen your old son give him the assignment to weed the entire farm or else! They know the assignment is impossible, and plan to go out after lunch with all the hired labor and spend the rest of the day helping to complete the job. Purposely, they keep their plan to help secret from their son. Suspicious and afraid that if he knows, he’ll take advantage of them and lazily do less that his best work, while waiting for them to show up and help, they keep their plan to themselves. They decide to tell him about their willingness to help later, after they’re sure that he has worked up to capacity, and after he’s done all that he can do. The important objective is that they get the most out of him. No one is going to pull the wool over their eyes. They choose to encourage good works through stressing fear and duty rather than inspiring the assigned child with hope of completing the work because of the love of generous understanding parents.

The message of the story was, “Nannette, sometimes parents and leaders fail to teach or emphasize grace because they think they need to manipulate the diligence of kids. They are anywhere on a scale of suspicious to terrified that if they teach children and youth about the loving willingness of the Lord to help, the these young Saints will not obey the scriptural mandate to do all he or she can do.

I don’t want to admit it, but I can relate to this situation. As a mother of five and having home schooled for over two decades I have given plenty of assignments to children. Brush your teeth, pull your weeds, practice the piano, work on your merit badges, vacuum, do your math, English, creative writing, science, penmanship, history, reading, spelling, say your prayers, clean the bird cage, clean the bathroom, write in your journal, fold the laundry, and you name it, I’ve assigned it.

Many of the assignments I made were too difficult for the children to do well without help from me. In our family school the rule was, “Go try! See what you can do on your own. Read the instructions. Do the best you can and then come to me and I’ll help you where you need assistance. When you’re finished with an assignment we’ll check your work and you can fix the things you missed.” The kids knew that I was willing to help anyone who was willing and teachable. It was a generally a pretty grace filled atmosphere.

I have to admit that sometimes a child would take advantage of my willingness to help. He or she would lazily hang around, get distracted by every little thing going on in the house and wait for me to pitch in and do their work myself. Another tactic was to whine, complain, and sometimes cry without even approaching a task, hoping that in frustration I might allow them to just give up on the assigned work all together. These were times when I wished I’d kept my willingness to help a big secret.

But the truth is that today’s children need to understand the role of the Savior in their every day lives and in connection to their every day problems. This great need completely outweighs any risk producing children who might take advantage of the Lord. I’m not sure it’s even possible! Heavenly Father’s children need to know about the divine help available to them. We cannot wait until they have turned to every counterfeit solution to problems the world has to offer. Many of these short-lived solutions become habits, compulsions and addictions. They may be a temporary “coping mechanism,” but they are spiritually damning and physically dangerous. Such addictions as drugs, alcohol, overeating, bulimia, anorexia, debt, sexual perversion or acting out hold those desperate for help in bondage and negatively affect generations of God’s children.

I don’t ever want to be afraid to tell others about God’s grace for fear that they will not do their part. When we understand the doctrine of grace, His enabling power, the blessing that His atonement can be to us at all times, in all things and in all places; we start to feel the hope and the courage necessary to get our feet wet, to make a start, to attempt, to begin something we think the Lord wants us to do. I want to teach my brothers and sisters to ask for, to live for, and to act upon the immediate direction, goodness, and power of God to provide the help they so desperately need. Understanding the concept of grace is highly motivating!

In 1 Corinthians 15:10 the Apostle Paul personally acknowledges that the blessing of grace in his life has only proved to spur him on to greater works. He says, “But by the grace of God I am what I am: and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I but the grace of God which was in me.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Giving Up: Despair or Delight – Steps 1, 2, and 3

I often strive to the point of strife. This strife is always counterproductive. I never seem to be able to kick and scream my way to any kind of real and lasting progress. Math and especially science that involves math has always been a struggle for me. My high school chemistry teacher was my dad. Chemistry assignments presented a tremendous challenge for me. I spent the semester being in critical need of help from my very willing, very able chemistry professor father. I never did receive the help I needed even though my Dad received the honor of being a California Teachers of the Year. He was kind and loving and able, but because I was so sure I couldn’t be helped, I never allowed him to be my personal Teacher of the Year. I spent my chemistry season in such a frenzy that I was incapable of being taught. I simply gave up.

Of course I didn’t recognize the nature of my problem until I had my children of my own who were sometimes just like me. At times they too would become so frustrated over this or that assignment, so sure they couldn’t accomplish a task, and positive that any help from me, the parent, was of no value.

Heavenly Father’s batting average is no better than my dad’s or mine when it comes to helping His kids who are convinced they are on there own. In the 12 Steps and most specifically in steps 1, 2, and 3 we learn that, “giving up” is not only necessary, but also essential to recovery and healing. How can this be?

“Giving up” has two definitions. One meaning is to lose all hope, with synonyms like despair and despond. Another meaning is to surrender one’s control completely, with synonyms like relinquish, hand over, lay down, resign, and yield.

The first manner of “giving up” (loss of hope that brings despair) is what I did in regard to chemistry and at times experienced with my own children. This kind of giving up contributes to today’s wide spread problem of depression. Depression often results from feeling we know our potential, trying to reach it, and coming face to face with our own weakness and inability to measure up. We kick and scream at ourselves, others, our surroundings, and even God and His laws. We become disillusioned with our stab at perfection. We give up all together, overwhelmed with anger, self-pity and discouragement. God is not able to help us and neither can anyone else!

The second manner of “giving up” corresponds with the ability to live in recovery, to heal and to make lasting progress. When we “give up” by surrendering and turning the part of the task we are struggling with over to God, He is able to extend grace(enabling power) in our behalf.

Today, as I face the inevitable temptation to “give up” on one God given task or another I get to choose the brand of “giving up” I want to live with. I can do my best, giving up my desire to do it myself. I can receive the help and the knowledge I need to move forward from a loving Father. It is a choice. I can choose to give up in despair or I can give up and experience what Nephi felt when He said, “yea my soul delighteth in His grace.”

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, October 6, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

Little League Soccer and Early Recovery/Change – Step 1 – Part 4 of 4

“When the going gets tough the tough get going!” Really?

Ethan is a new boy on the soccer field this year, not new to soccer but new to a competitive, go fight win attitude I didn’t see in him last spring. As his mom sat on the sidelines Saturday she was a little shocked to suddenly hear Ethan yell out to the guys on the other team, “You’re gonna wish you stayed home!”

Not more that a few minutes into play Ethan got knocked to the ground and received quite a kick. Tears ran down his cheek as he ran off the field to the sidelines for some TLC from mom. At that point I think Ethan probably wished he’d stayed home. After some parental reassurance he was back out on the field, not quite so bullish as before but willing to play.

Likewise there are days in early 12-step work (whether we’re working to overcome addiction or applying the 12-step process to overcoming any kind of difficulty) when we feel brim with a new kind confidence. Recovering addicts often call it the honeymoon or the pink cloud period. Surrounded by a fellowship of support, we discover or rediscover a God who lives and who is willing to be involved in solving our individual problems. We begin to experience times when we feel His Spirit. We start to see His hand in our everyday lives. And sometimes we start to feel a bit invincible.

Then life happens. We get roughed up a bit. We get kicked. We fall down, and our God centered bravado melts into tears or anger. It’s OK to run to the sidelines for some reassurance from a healthy support team. Sometimes in recovery when the going get tough the tough (those who have had to be or have pretended to be tough) have a good cry. Then they get back on the field with a little more humility and that can only improve the game!

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, September 14, 2008

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